Page 1 of Spare the Rod

Chapter One

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

The moment her sweet voice reached my ears, my stomach clenched and my hand tightened around my rosary, my body's visceral reaction too strong to ignore. Blood pounded through my veins, and I leaned my head back against the wall as I sent up my own prayer of forgiveness, asking for strength, already knowing what was coming.

She had been to confessional the same time each week for the last two months. Each time asking forgiveness for her visits to what she called a den of sin. Each week describing more in detail what she wanted to do there. What she ended up doing.

Every night after she confessed her sins, my dreams were plagued with thoughts of her sweet voice calling out my name. Images of what she described dancing through my mind. My hands clenching my sheets as I recited prayer and asked for strength to not stray from the path laid before me.

Each week I was tested again and again as she returned. Tempting me and testing me. The sight of her soft lips barely visible through the confessional wall. Images of those lips wrapped around my throbbing member…

“Father?”

Her voice brought me back to reality, but did nothing to ease the ache that had settled between my thighs. I would be better off assigning this time slot to someone else. I just couldn’t.

“Yes, I apologize.” I cleared my throat.

“It has been one week since I have confessed my sins.” She dutifully continued, telling me how long it has been, though I remember all too well her last time behind this wall. It had kept me up that entire night and well into the nights that followed.

“Since then, Father, I have not been able to free myself from my sins. I am afraid I returned again to the den of sin.” My stomach sank, and heat rushed to my thighs all at the same time. Somehow dreading and yet anticipating her confession all at the same time.

I remained quiet because I was at war within myself. Part of me wanted to encourage her, to know more about what she did in this so-called den of sin. Yet, at the same time, I knew it was wrong and I should tell her going back was wrong and she knew it. If she didn’t, she would not be returning to confessional week after week.

She let out a sigh and I instantly imagined the sound leaving her lips as I entered her. As quickly as I had the thought, I shook it off, using my rosary beads to reground myself. I was a man of the cloth. I needed to focus and bring her back to the righteous path.

I swallowed hard. “The temptations of the flesh are strong. Have you asked yourself what keeps you returning?”

I could hear her breath hitch through the thin barrier. It was almost my undoing. “Father, there is something freeing about the place. Something about nobody knowing who you are. Not caring. You could even walk in there and not one person would blink an eye.” There was a joy in her voice I couldn’t ignore. Somehow that joy made it worse. It made me want to see what it would be like to bring that to her.

Deafening silence filled the space between us for what seemed like forever. There was no way she could know my thoughts though. “I assure you, I have no interest in a place like that, child.”

“The point is not if you do, the point is youcouldand no one would bat an eye.” She paused. “Haven’t you ever wanted that, Father? Just to be free from the rules for even a night?”

Internally I let out a groan. This conversation was not helping and it was quickly getting out of control. “What makes you want to be unknown? Are you ashamed of what you do there? For the Lord Our God knows our sins, even if those around us might not.” My words sounded hollow, even to me. Especially when my own sin was staring up at me, my precum soaking my robes as I waited for her answer.

“I guess it’s more about constantly being judged in a world where you are expected to do everything right. To constantly be everything for everyone. When you get the chance to just be yourself, free of judgment or guilt, there is something freeing about that. That’s what keeps me returning.”

“Is it actually free of judgment or guilt, though?” I posed the question I knew would make her think. She clearly felt guilt as she kept returning to the confessional for forgiveness.

“It should be.” I could all but hear the frown in her voice. “Is it so wrong, Father?”

“Is what so wrong?” My voice cracked, afraid of her answer.

“Is it so wrong to want to feel good? To want to feel free?”

“Those that focus on sins of the flesh will not inherit the Kingdom of God, child. If you keep returning to this ‘den of sin’ I fear for your eternal soul.”

“That’s such a non-answer, Father. Give me a real answer. One not drilled into you by the church.” Her laugh raced through my very core, somehow making me even harder. Tempting me even more.

“I-” I stopped myself before even forming a full sentence, not sure what to say. Her laugh reached me again and I could hear the silence of the church around us as her laughter died down.

“You don’t know how to answer that, do you?”

“I do not wish to misguide you, child. That is all. I’m trying to gather my thoughts on this before I speak and you have simply caught me off guard.”

I could hear her let out a short laugh. “I bet.”

“It is not wrong to seek happiness, or even pleasure. But to do so, and knowingly sin, goes against God. You have been returning to this establishment for months now, your behavior escalating, yet you continue to pray for forgiveness. Child, you cannot knowingly sin in the night, and pray for forgiveness in the morning with no intent to change your ways.”

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