Page 16 of The Stars Over Hollywood

Tracy swam out to her, a hint of a smile on her lips as she thought about how ridiculous it would be for someone like Hayden to be interested in her. She was straight.

Tracy floated on her back between waves, letting the water move her, the sun’s warm rays hitting her cold skin.

Her mantra had always been the same whether it was dating or acting. There was more to life. She’d had enough bad experiences when it came to both, and while she knew she was done with acting, she probably should come to terms with the idea of being done with dating.

10

Hayden had been on such a high after her audition, that as soon as she called Lara, the next person she wanted to tell was Tracy. She’d sent her a text, thanking her for the lesson and letting her know that she thought the audition had gone well.

And Tracy had responded a few hours later, inviting her to her house if it wasn’t too short notice.

Now, Hayden was standing outside her front door, the beach house painted a slate gray, the sounds of the ocean greeting her as soon as she stepped out of her car.

She didn’t even have anything to celebrate, not yet anyway, but for some reason she felt like today had been a shift. It might have something to do with her recent discovery, and she’d stayed up later than she’d intended to last night, writing everything that was swirling around in her head onto paper.

The habit she’d picked up to try and improve her acting skills, getting her worries down and out of her head had turned out to be exactly what she needed right now at this point in her life.

Hayden had hesitated to write it last night, her pen hovering over the page, even after filling three pages with her thoughts, but once she did write it down, it was like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and as she stared at the words, she’d never known anything to be more true about herself. It was so plain to see.

I’m gay.

She spent another page writing the next thing down that had been bothering her, almost as much as the audition, and that was regret and the fear that she’d wasted all this time.

Hayden worked with people of all ages, and she always thought she had a healthy relationship with her own age, despite what this business can do to people, making them feel old once they hit forty, specifically women.

But this was the first time that Hayden felt like she was old. Thirty-three.

She was thirty-three, and she’d never even kissed another woman.

That thought made her shut her black journal, tucking it away on the bookshelf opposite her bed. If she hadn’t had the audition in the morning, she might have been brave enough to tackle that thought, but she didn’t trust herself not to have a complete breakdown.

It was such a strange mix of emotion, so much of it happy. She knew who she was now, and it filled in a lot of gaps in her life, places where she’d felt like such an outsider, like in high school when all her friends were boy crazy and she had zero interest in any of that, throwing herself into that year’s school play instead.

But in the last few days, that happiness had started to fade, and the realization that she was thirty-three and not only had she not had any meaningful relationship, she didn’t even have a career that she could at least justify the time and energy she’d put into it instead of her personal life.

Not that she thought she would have realized she was interested in women any sooner.

But it would have made it a little easier to swallow if she was getting the kinds of roles that she wanted and thought she deserved.

The door swung open, almost startling her, even though she’d knocked a few seconds ago. She’d been so lost in her own thoughts that she’d forgotten where she was.

“Hey,” Tracy said with a smile. “Come in.”

“Hi.” Hayden couldn’t stop herself from taking in Tracy’s white shorts and navy tank top, her skin perfectly tanned, her hair falling across her shoulders in loose waves.

And then Hayden remembered what Lara had said, how she’d seen the way that Hayden had looked at Tracy, and she snapped herself out of it, hoping that Tracy hadn’t noticed.

“Your house is beautiful,” Hayden said as Tracy brought her down the short hallway and out into the spacious living and kitchen area with rustic wood floors. The color palette was beach-inspired, a mixture of tans and blues with plenty of white. Huge glass windows looked out at the sea, taking up nearly the entire wall. “And the view…” Hayden found herself being drawn to it.

“It’s even better outside,” Tracy said, opening a white door with glass windows.

The sun was disappearing into the ocean as Hayden followed her out onto the deck. The water was right there, just a few feet away, and although Tracy had neighbors, there was a wooden privacy wall painted white to separate the decks.Two loungers were on the left side and a jacuzzi on the right.

“I got lucky with this place,” Tracy said, joining Hayden at the wooden railing. “I’d never be able to afford it now. But after everything that happened, I still had enough money in the bank to put a down payment on the house and swallowed my pride and got a steady job which allowed me to get a mortgage and own a home like this.”

“This view is just… It’s so peaceful out here.”

Tracy nodded, the gentle breeze ruffling her hair. “Occasionally, I think about selling. Not seriously. But I know I could get probably five million for this property. And then I’d be set for life. Except that I love it here, and I’d never get another place like this, right on the coast, and still have something left over. So, I ignore the offers that come through every few years.”

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