Page 29 of Unregrettable

This is a farce, a figment of my imagination, thinking I could have her. But I’ve gotten the slap of reality that I deserved. Coiling away from her, I twist my head, and march forward like the soldier I am.

I’m doing this for her sake. Not mine. She may not understand it, but one day, she’ll be grateful for it.

CHAPTER7

CRINA

My mouth drops open as Marku storms out of the science lab, the door clanging loudly in his wake.

He can’t possibly blame himself for Cristian’s death.

Only, he does.

I know that man and that’s exactly the kind of twisted rationale he’d believe to his very core. He’s always been one to take his responsibilities too seriously. It’s sacrilegious to even think it, but that was the one upside to Cristian’s death: Marku dropped out of the running for the next Popescuconsilier.

Rumors have it that Nelu, the current Popescu boss, is planning to retire. With the Popescu and Lupu clans at peace, and his only daughter married off to Luca Lupu, he figures it’s his time to step aside. It only follows that he’d hand over the succession to his son, Cristo.

Sure, beingconsilieris one of the most prestigious positions a man can hope for, but it’d be too much for Marku. Despite his lighthearted mask, he’s hyper-responsible. He’d never stop working. He’s the kind of man to bring his work home with him. He’d never have a family life. None of them do.Sefsandconsilierslive for their clan, end of story.

I slide onto the nearest lab stool, giving up on making it to my next class.

Then there’s the fact that Marku is too smart for it. He’s not a Lupu so there’s no thought to go to college and graduate school, like every man in the Lupu clan is expected to do. But if any Popescu made man should go, it’s him.

I plunk my elbows on the black tabletop, prop my chin in my hands, and stare out morosely. As for Marku’s rationale for pushing me away, I’m flabbergasted. My guess had been that we were hitting puberty and he wanted to experiment with me but didn’t feel he could. Or he wanted to mess around with other girls, so he created distance between us.

Instead, it was because he’d blame himself. My heart lurches, sadness seeping in. Marku was just a kid himself.

I’d heard what had happened.

How Marku and the boys had a rendezvous with a Bratva crew for his initiation when he’d turned thirteen. They were supposed to meet up in some back alley of Koreatown in Flushing, Queens. It was supposed to be an old-school street brawl. Only fists, knives, and nunchucks, that kind of thing. No guns. Because that’s how a Popescu gets inducted. You have to kill a man with your bare hands. I grimace at the thought. Barbaric, really.

Cristian was a year younger than Marku and always followed him wherever he went. They’d caught him skulking around them a few times that night and sent him home. From what I pieced together by eavesdropping during the funeral, Cristian ended up in the melee and was slayed by one of the Bratva. Gutted like a pig. Bled out on the street. Nothing to be done. No way to save him. The whole thing happened in the blink of an eye.

I stare up at the stupid periodic table at the far wall in front of me. The canary yellow of the elements in the center light up like neon lights, surrounded by the other elements in duller colors.

He blamed himself for his brother’s death, and, in his tortured mind, it only followed that he didn’t deserve me. As horrible as he was to me, knowing this changes things…

Behind me, I hear the opening and shutting of doors. Kids are streaming into the hallway. I thump my forehead on the table. Another class missed. That means detention this afternoon. When I know I’ll miss something, I use my mother’s password to get into the school’s system and excuse my absence, but there’s no fixing it after-the-fact. I grab my backpack, sling the hefty sack of books over my shoulder, and make my way to my locker before my next class.

I’m almost there when Star steps into my path, one hand on her hip. Inspecting me thoroughly, she gasps. “What in God’s name happened to you?”

I turn into my locker to avoid her scrutiny and focus on the combination of my lock while trying to comb my brain for a valid excuse. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

She smoothes her pleated skirt, her dark eyes zoomed in on me, alight with curiosity. “Try me.”

I move close enough so that I can whisper. “I messed around with a boy.”

Her hand shoots to her mouth. “Oh my God, Crina! That’s…that’s…you’ll get into serious trouble. Like, your mother would go ballistic if you got caught.”

I roll my eyes. I love Star, but she’s such a good girl. Even with her big brother off to who knows where and the chance to relax the reins, she just can’t let go. And while I love her, there’s no way I can tell her about either Marku or Alexei Kotov, aka the Sperm Donor.

I waggle my brows at her. “I never get caught. I’m an expert at evading her traps. That’s the reason she has to make up shit to punish me.”

Star’s glittering eyes dim at the mention of my mother, but she won’t be easily diverted. Clenching her pleated skirt, she leans closer and whispers, “How was it?”

I shrug a shoulder. “Meh. Sloppy kisser.”

“Where? The music rooms in the basement? That’s always the safest bet.” She blushes. “I mean…if I were ever to try.” She rushes on, “Which I’d never do.”

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