Page 74 of Unregrettable

I clench my fists, holding back the torrent of frustration swirling inside me. “Oh, for God’s sake, Marku, don’t bring Cristian into everything. Don’t mix the two of us up in your mind.” I lower my tone, making sure I emphasize the words. “I’m not Cristian.

“What happened yesterday was horrible. I’m not going to deny how bad it was, but it’s part of being in a clan at war. This would’ve happened whether we were together or not, whether I was a Lupu or a Popescu. Horrible things happen. You can’t take the blame for every bad thing that happens in the world because of one night.”

Shaking his head, he whispers, “The faith you put in me is undeserved.”

“I call bullshit. You’re torturing yourself over yourfearof not rising to the occasion. That alone is proof of how much you care about me. And I know you, Marku.” I claim his face with my hands, joggle his head a little. “You will always rise to the occasion.”

“Not always…”

“Look at me,” I demand. “You need to let it go. Cristian’s death was a tragedy, and you were, what, thirteen years old? Do you think it’s fair to blame yourself? Fair to me? Because it’s stopping you from loving me completely. That’s what upsets me the most. Ghosting me was rooted in your fear of disappointing me because of what happened to Cristian. Taking care of that is the first step to being fully present in our marriage, and if you truly love me, that’s what you’ll do.”

He huffs in frustration. “I don’t know how to let it go. I was the older brother. I should have saved him and I failed him. How can I get past that? Especially when his killer lives and breathes.” He turns to face me completely and stares deeply into my eyes. “I might be able to get past it once I avenge his death.”

I kiss his lips gently, and state, “I can help you do that.”

He shakes his head. “I refuse to entertain your idea.”

“I mentioned it yesterday in the cab, but instead of discussing it, you’re just going to shut me down?”

“After what happened yesterday, I can’t put you in a vulnerable position. That’s out of the question.”

On the razor’s edge of my temper, I challenge him, “Well, you’re going to have to make a concession if you want to be with me. Do you want to be with me?”

“Of course.”

“Do you want to fight for us?”

“You know I do.”

“Then consider this as part of your apology.”

He eyes me dubiously.

“I’m going to help you get close to Alexei. That may potentially put me in danger because everything about that man is awful.”

“Then, no,” he instantly replies.

I shove his shoulder. Desperate times call for desperate measures. “But if you don’t do it, he’ll come after me again. He’ll always be a threat.”

“He protected you yesterday.”

“Because he wants to use me. He’s plotting. But if I don’t do whatever he comes up with next, he won’t hesitate to dispose of me in a heartbeat.”

I tell Marku the full extent of his creepy stalking from the beginning. Everything that I withheld from my father. I even confess about the night we went to the Open Mic, how it was Alexei hiding in the shadows of my street, watching me. How scary it was to be stalked, how the threat of violence was ever present. I tell him about the shadows I saw in his eyes and in his heart when I sat in car with him. “There was no room for love in there. He doesn’t love me as a daughter, of that I’m certain.”

Marku looks up at the ceiling, his face contorted with his internal debate. “I don’t like the idea of you being close to him.” My heart lurches in sympathy for his struggle, but I have to stay strong and propel him forward.

“Complaint registered,” I quip. “But we can control this situation. We can minimize the potential danger. If we do nothing, he has free rein and we’ll never know when he’ll come for me.”

“This is a different tune you’re singing. Or have you forgotten that you tried to convince me that you shouldn’t worry about him because he could nab you at any time.”

“I said that about going to get a coffee and knish in the middle of the day, but there was something about catching sight of him outside my house in the middle of the night that frightened me. He could have ordered his men to keep tabs on me. Instead, a man who you’ve told me is so paranoid that he has his men sweep his car for bombs, leaves everything to stalk me in the dark. Alone. In an enemy neighborhood. Something’s very off about that…”

He grabs me by the waist and props me up on his lap. Our faces are so close that I can see the chocolate swirls in his irises. “If I let you help, then you’re going to do everything I say, you hear? If you’re in a moment’s danger, we abort the plan. Understand?”

I roll my eyes. I’d proven myself in the subway yesterday, shown some mettle, hadn’t I?

“Do. You. Understand?” he grinds out between clenched teeth, his eyes flashing.

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