Page 20 of Always Eros

“Do I sound insane to you?” I ask.

“No,” he answers. “I want to know more.”

I glance down at my hands, wringing them together. “The Supreme Being outlawed blood testing for new members until they reached the age of thirty. That is the age we are considered mature enough to take on the task of creating the next generation. That’s the reason I had to run now. I’ll be thirty soon and…” My voice cracks with emotion. “I couldn’t do it, Eros. I couldn’t give my body to the cause.”

“What happens when you turn thirty?”

Wrapping my arms around myself, I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment. “The details are kept very secret. All I know is that you never see anyone over thirty again.” Sniffling, I push on. “But today, here, they told me I got away just in time. At thirty the men are castrated.”

Eros pulls his head back. “What?”

I nod. “Castrated and sent to a camp to raise the boy children. The adult men never return to the main unit. They are sacrificed for the group.”

“Your male children are raised only by men who are not their fathers? Who raises the girl children? Women over thirty?”

I nod. “Eros, it’s all so terrible. I didn’t know how bad until today. I had my doubts about some of the rules. The ones around sex and masturbation are so strict. The Supreme Being told us that spreading our seed without purpose was a violation of the universe and would prevent our entry into Eternal Bliss.”

“Eternal Bliss? What is that?”

“It’s the goal. It’s where you are finally rewarded for your sacrifices and loyalty. Your blood is drained into the holy vat to remove your earthly essence and to be made pure.”

“Your…” He tilts his head. “Your blood is drained?”

I nod. “I’ve never seen the death ritual, but we’ve worshipped at the holy vat before. The Supreme Being lives off it.”

Eros narrows his eyes. “I’m sorry. Your leader drinks the blood?”

“Yes.”

“And has sex with the women?”

“Only once they are level one mature. That happens at eighteen. He can have sex with the brides because his seed is sacred and when he shares it, he brings the women closer to Eternal Bliss.”

“I see.”

“At eighteen, he selects his brides, and from the men, he selects his disciples. I wasn’t chosen because I was unworthy.”

“Why?”

Tucking my chin to my chest, I clam up, not wanting to taint this man’s view of me.

“You can tell me anything, Justice. I have no judgment.”

I steal a peek at his face. “How do you know that?”

“Let’s just say I’m a lot of things, but a hypocrite isn’t one of them.”

Exhaling, I nod, searching inside myself for the courage to utter the words. “I was caught in an indecent act at sixteen. I was put on probation, but then two years later, I was caught again.”

“What kind of indecent act?”

My cheeks burn with heat. “It’s so shameful. I broke the rules.”

“Those rules don’t apply here, Justice.”

I blow out a breath, trying to believe that. They told me the same in counseling today, but I didn’t have to tell them what I did. I stare at my feet instead of Eros’s face, hoping that helps me say the words.

“At sixteen I broke the rule of restraint and was found touching myself. At eighteen, me and another boy were found in bed together.”

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