Page 60 of Always Eros

“What’s wrong, Justice? Did that man hurt you?”

“No.” Not physically. “Nothing like that. I’m fine. Just, um, there’s a lot to learn about the world.”

“Yes. Do you want to sit with me for a minute?”

“Sure.” I shuffle to the chair next to her and plop down. Even if I could tell her what happened, where would I start? Plus, I promised Eros.

“Overwhelmed?” Carina asks.

“Yeah.”

“It’s totally normal,” she says. “I know I was shocked to learn how wrong all the things we were taught there are. It takes time to get used to it.”

“Right.” I rub my forehead, trying to process everything. “Um, have you ever been in a situation where someone you cared about had things about them you weren’t sure how to deal with?”

“Things? Like traits or habits?”

“Um, traits.”

“Sure. I think it’s not uncommon, especially for those of us who have limited understanding of the outside world. We learn quickly that the morals we were raised with aren’t universal. Are you sure you weren’t hurt tonight?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Eros didn’t hurt me. He just, um, well, he’s pretty different. So, how do you know if you can get used to those differences?”

“I think first you have to decide how you feel about the person. Is the discomfort worth getting through to be with them? Is there a compromise? Is he willing to meet you where you are and work together for the relationship?”

“I think he is. I’m the one who pushed him away.” My eyes well with tears again. “Is it weird that I just met him a few days ago, but I really like him?”

“It’s not weird, Justice. We can’t always help who we’re drawn to, but I want to gently caution you to keep a clear head. He’s the first man you’ve met outside of Nightsky. That in itself is very seductive.”

I nod. “Right. I asked him for a little space.”

“And he respected that?”

“Yes. Completely.”

“That’s a good sign.” Carina smiles warmly. “After spending our lives being told what to do, how to feel, what to think, I’m an advocate of listening to our hearts with a healthy dose of checking in with our intuition. I believe your gut won’t lead you astray while you’re still purging the cult’s influence from your life.”

“That feels good. I can do that.”

“I know you can. You’re special, Justice. More resilient than many. I know you’re gonna be just fine, and if Eros is the right person for you, he’ll be there when you’re ready.”

“Thank you. I’ll let you get back to reading.”

“I’m always here if you need to talk. About anything. Think of me as a big sister.”

“I will.”

After leaving Carina, I go to my room and peel out of my clothes before climbing into bed. The night didn’t go at all the way I had hoped. All I wanted were kisses. And more. I wanted his body against mine. Instead, my world was flipped upside down.

How do I accept what he is when I don’t even fully understand it? Not to mention his job is to kill people. But is it wrong if those people are bad? It’s just hard to separate the kind of vampire Eros is from the ones running Nightsky. If it’s true, and based on what Hale said, it would have to be, then is it a choice to use violence or an inevitability? Will Eros turn on me if he’s angry or hungry or…? Ugh. I have too many questions and no one impartial to ask.

Tru’s earlier words come back to me. Not all vampires are bad. That must be true. Everyone has been so nice to me. Maybe I could ask him questions. He seems more modern than the others. Maybe he’s younger? Maybe he’s not even a vampire. Bowie too. It would be cool to have another regular human in the group. I suppose I could ask Eros in the morning if that’s okay.

For now, I close my eyes and pray to any deity listening for sleep.

Chapter Twenty-Three

EROS

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