Page 36 of Always Eros

“I heard they had upgraded from walkie-talkies.”

Nodding, I think about all the things I probably don’t know yet. “How did you get here, Carina?”

“I’ll tell you, but you have to pretend to still be interested when I do my presentation to the newcomers next week.”

Laughing softly, I nod. “Promise.”

“I’m afraid it’s a tragic story. My sister Elaina was two years older than me.”

I immediately notice the past tense use. Oh dang.

“Meaning she turned thirty before me. She was sent to the Ceres. Within a week of being there, she was…” Carina pauses, gazing into her coffee mug with a tight expression. “Do you know what the Ceres is, Justice?”

“The place for women to become mothers.”

“Yes, that’s what they tell you.” Her tone is bitter now. “But it’s not as beautiful as it sounds. Women don’t become mothers. They become birthers to create the next generation of Nightskyers.” She shifts her gaze to me. “Have any idea how they become pregnant?”

I shake my head, already nervous about what I’m about to hear.

“Do you want to know this story?”

“Yes. I want to know everything that happened there.”

Carina nods. “Very well. The women are brought to a room called the Digna. It means worthy in Latin. There the disciples enter and proceed to take the woman until each of them has implanted their seed inside her.”

I don’t know how to define the emotion gripping my chest, but it’s tight and ugly and foul.

“She is then kept in a room with other women who experienced the same and monitored to determine whether she becomes pregnant. If she does, she is deemed worthy and moved on to the main section, Exaltatus, which means Exalted. Pregnant women are then pampered and cared for, ensuring a healthy pregnancy.”

“And if they don’t become pregnant?”

“The Pasture,” she answers. “Elaina became pregnant but during the experience in Digna, she had an awakening. She never wanted another woman to go through what she did. So she escaped one night. She hitchhiked and walked barefoot in the dark until she reached me at the compound. She told me her story and made me promise to run before I turned thirty. She told me the stories of women who lost their pregnancies, of children born imperfect in the eyes of the Supreme Being, of women with mental health challenges after delivery. All sent to the Pasture.”

“Killed?”

Carina nods. “They have no use for you if you cannot produce healthy children.”

“I don’t understand. Why can’t those women help rear the other children?”

“Because they’ve been deemed unworthy.” She touches my hand. “The only way a cult like this survives and endures is by having children born into it and indoctrinated from birth.”

“What happened to Elaina?” I’m afraid of the ending, but I have to know.

“She was turned in by our own mother. I can still hear her screams as they dragged her away. I knew I would never see her again. They watched me for a year, so I did everything perfectly to prove my devotion, but inside I was dead. I couldn’t look my mother in the eyes for her betrayal.” She shakes her head as her gaze grows distant. “They told us Elaina died during childbirth, as did her child, but I knew it wasn’t true. I knew what they did. Disobedience is the ultimate sin.”

I murmur the last sentence with her at the same time. It was hammered into our heads every day.

“I’m so sorry, Carina.”

She blinks, smiling slightly, but I can still see the pain behind it. “I’m not. My sister sacrificed herself for my benefit. I had a plan and I just had to wait until I was certain they weren’t watching me anymore. I was part of the supply team, so I had the opportunity to leave the compound once a month for shopping. We went to the big store the city over from us as we always did. I volunteered that day to pick out undergarments for the women.”

I nod, completely entranced.

“I snuck jeans, a sweater, and a hat into the dressing room, where I changed clothes. I left an envelope with money and a note for the employees and then I crept through that big store, avoiding the other members, until I was able to walk right out the front door.”

“Wow.”

“And then I just ran. I ran all the way to an area close to the freeway where I found a women’s shelter.”

---