Page 25 of Powerless

“There are so many things I wish I could change or do over.”

“Like what?” Bennett reaches toward me for my hand. “Talk to me.”

“We’re young, Bennett, we should be having the time of our lives and I’m sitting here overthinking everything.”

“Is it us?”

“Us. Me. Everything.” I gesture toward him, then point to me. “I had a plan, and you’ve come along and scrambled that plan up.”

“What was it?”

“Finish college, get a job as a financial analyst and work my way to the top of my field.”

“You like statistics and numbers?”

I worry my lower lip between my teeth as I stand and move over in front of the window. I lean against the wall and wrap my arms around my torso. “Not particularly,” I say with a snicker. “But I’m good at it. Like really good with numbers.”

“Then why are you going for a degree in something you don’t love.”

I swing around to look at him and find that he too has abandoned his food and has drifted closer to me. “Why are you doing political science?”

“Because I love it and I want to do it. The only thing I’m doing that I don’t want to is studying at Yale, and not at Stanford with you.” He skims his gaze down my body, before lifting his chin to hold eye contact with me. “Why are you studying something you don’t love?” he repeats.

I pivot on the spot to continue looking outside. “Because it’ll make Mom happy. If you’re good at something, the money will always be there. And I’m good with numbers.”

Bennett chuckles from behind me. “What do you want to do? Not what your mom wants, but what you want?”

I close my eyes as I laugh to myself. “It’s going to sound stupid.”

“Impossible. Just, tell me.”

“I’d like to be a librarian.”

“Then do it.”

“You don’t understand,” I say as I turn to stare at Bennett.

“If anyone can understand the pressures of family, it’s me. Hell, they’ll have me engaged to Jen before I can tell them that I’m leaving Yale to go to Stanford. So, trust me, we’re in the same boat. And let me tell you, neither you nor I want to be in that damned boat.”

I lift my hands to cover my face as my mind churns with a thousand and one thoughts. “It’s your fault,” I say from behind my hands.

“Why is it my fault?” Bennett tugs on my hands and once I lower them, he places his finger under my chin and tilts my head up. “Why?”

“Because you went and did one of the most selfless things a person can ever do. You’re willing to be the bad guy just so Jen can break away from her controlling parents. You’re not supposed to do that.”

Bennett cups my face, and I roll my eyes closed as I lean into his gentle, warm touch. I can’t do this. He’s too perfect. “All I’m doing is the right thing. She shouldn’t be forced to marry me because of her name, and I shouldn’t have to marry to advance my career. I don’t want that, but I don’t want her to be anything other than herself, either. Jen deserves to be happy and to have the freedom to love whoever she wants. That’s why I’m doing this.”

I take a step backward from him and straighten. “And that right there is why this can’t ever happen.” I motion between us. “I’m sorry.” I move away from Bennett and start toward the front door.

I manage to crack it open before his hand slams it shut. He turns me and pushes me against the door, pinning me to the cool wood. He sweeps my hair to the side and lowers his head until his mouth is at my ear. “Are you losing faith in us? Or are you falling in love with me the way I’m in love with you?”

My breath hitches as I push myself into his body, loving the way he feels on me. “We haven’t even been on a date. How could you love me?”

“I knew from the moment I saw you that you’d be my wife.”

“Bennett, please,” I beg in a breathy voice.

“What is it?” The hurt on his face is obvious.

---