Page 28 of Green Light

I didn’t. Because none of it mattered. Kai was leaving. Had planned all of this long before tonight. Planned his escape without telling me.

Because he neededspace.

Space from me.

That yawning darkness that only struck at night began to creep in. Soon, Kai wouldn’t be here to push it back.

But that was okay. I’d been selfish, behaving the way I had. What he’d said tonight about needing his own life told me as much. I couldn’t expect him to keep picking up my shattered pieces for me. I’d always known that one day, he’d get tired of doing so. Get tired of me.

I just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon.

Chapter eleven

Silas

The first month

Ittooktwoweeksfor the reality of Kai’s words to sink in.

Two weeks of unanswered calls.

Two weeks of not even a single text.

Hi. You’ve reached Kai. Please leave a message and—

I hung up. There was no point leaving another voicemail. What would I say that I hadn’t in the countless ones I’d already left him? I’d covered everything from ‘Sorry, I kissed you’to ‘I can’t believe you left without saying goodbye.’

I let my phone drop on the bed beside me, my head falling into my hands. Kai had said he was leaving after the show, but I’d thought I’d at least get to speak to him. For us both to cool off and then talk.

But no. Kai had walked off stage and straight into a waiting car. Even Luca and Arlo had been taken aback.

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one he’d been keeping in the dark.

Unable to stop torturing myself, I grabbed my phone and went to my photos. I’d been obsessed with capturing as many images as possible since I’d gotten my first camera phone.

Kai’s face smiled out from pretty much every one.

I scrolled through them, trying to find evidence of when he’d started to get tired of me. When he’d decided he needed space from me. From us.

But there was nothing. Just Kai and me. The way it had always been.

You’re being ridiculous, the logical part of my brain pointed out.He’s a friend. It’s not like he’s broken up with you. Stop moping.

I was way beyond listening to the logic though. No amount of telling myself I was overreacting seemed to help. It didn’t make me feel any less lonely. Didn’t stop me from missing him. He’d been at my side for so long that it literally felt like I was missing a limb.

It’d be easier if he would at least text me to say he was okay. Didn’t he know I worried about him too?

I couldn’t even blame all this on the kiss. Not when Kai had obviously set the wheels in motion long before.

What had I done wrong? Or was it just what Kai said, that we needed to start living our own lives?

I stopped on an image of Kai’s last birthday. We’d rushed home from a photo shoot in London so he could celebrate with his family. The photo had been taken by his dad. Like me, he snapped as many memories as he could. Even without him in the shot, I could remember how his face crinkled as he corralled us into the frame. Mike’s hair was shot with silver now, laughter lines etched permanently on his face, a testament to his happy nature.

Kai was in the centre of the photo, grinning at the novelty cake shaped like a guitar that Mia held. She was a pastry chef at one of the top restaurants in Southampton. Quite apt, given how often Louis used to dump flour over her head.

The former troublemaker, now a well-respected tattoo artist, stood with his arm protectively around their mum’s shoulders. She’d been given the all-clear many years ago, but it hadn’t stopped us worrying. With Kai and me on tour more often than not, Louis had quietly stepped into the role his elder brother had once occupied. It wasn’t as necessary now, what with their dad being retired and their siblings grown…but still. He looked out for them while we were away.

Ruby was there too, leaning over Kai’s shoulder, cheeks ballooned as she prepared to blow out the candles before the birthday boy could.

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