"Why are you reluctant?" he asked, and I sighed again. It took some courage, but I had to tell him the truth and leave myself vulnerable.
"I love you," I told him. "You know this. I've never gotten over you, and I've been in love with you since we were teenagers. I just don't know if I'll be able to keep sleeping with you. I don't think at the end of it, I'll be intact. So, I'd prefer it if we just take this time to be away from each other so we can see a bit more clearly."
I looked at him, and he stared back at me. A long silence ensued, and then he nodded. "Alright," he said. "Let's do that."
Tears filled my eyes, but still, I managed to smile and hold his gaze. He watched me but didn't respond, and soon enough, I returned to the venue.
61
LUCAS
It was Callie’s birthday, and it had been about two weeks since we had last seen each other and spoken at Matthew's wedding. She wasn't aware of this, but I had given myself until this day as the deadline to make a firm decision on how I was going to move forward with our relationship.
I knew what I wanted. It had been clear to me from the beginning, but I didn't know how to allow myself to accept it this easily. To accept her so easily after what had happened between us. However, as the days wore on and the reminder that it was her birthday floated through my mind, I was eventually able to ask myself the ultimate question.
If it were another woman carrying my child, would I be considering remaining in a relationship with her? And the answer was that it would be difficult. Over the years, being in a relationship of that sort hadn't truly appealed to me, and now I knew why. Sure, it had a lot to do with the hurt I had experienced from Callie, but since I still couldn't get her out of my mind and heart, I had to also admit that it was simply because none of them were her.
But this wasn't the case any longer, and I was gradually talking myself out of letting past mistakes and grudges hold me back. I just didn't know how to bridge the current animosity between us without directly reaching out. I went on with my day and tried not to look up again until the thought came that perhaps I could send her a text.
Before I could pick up the phone, a call came in. I was so surprised when I saw that it was her mother that it took a little while to respond.
"Hey," she greeted, and I responded in kind.
"Hey... how are you doing?"
"Great," she replied, and then it became awkward. I smiled.
"Did you call to check up on me?"
She laughed.
"Actually, I called to invite you for a little dinner we're having tonight. You might not know this, but it’s Callie’s birthday today.”
"Of course, I do," I replied, and she briefly went quiet.
"Alright... so?"
I released a deep breath.
"Did she ask you to invite me?" I asked.
"Hmm..." she said.
"Is she there right now? Telling you to say no?"
"Hm Hm," she said, and I smiled.
"She didn't," she replied in a monotone voice. "In fact, she'll be mad if she finds out I called you."
"So, she wouldn't want me there?"
A pause, and then her monotone voice continued.
"She wouldn't mind. It would be great to see you."
Shaking my head, I agreed.
"I'll be there," I said. "What restaurant?"