Page 125 of Until He Confesses

"I... I was trying to figure it out," I said.

"Of course, you were. Of course, you fucking were. All on your own. You make the judgments and pass verdicts all on your fucking own. You never stop to realize that maybe you're not the only one that matters. Maybe you're not the only one affected by all this.” he yelled at me, surprising me.

I glanced up and could see that our audience was slowly growing. I cared, but at the same time, as I saw the hurt in his eyes, I didn't. I just wanted to assure him and let him know how sorry I was, so I moved closer until I was close enough to face him.

"I'm sorry," I said. "Can we talk somewhere more private?"

He glared at me, and I was sure that he was about to refuse. However, one look again at our growing audience, and he turned around angrily and got into the car. I hesitated for a moment, but then I hurried to the opposite side and got in as well.

We kept driving, and through it all, I could almost feel the fumes emanating from him. But still, he didn't speak. His driver, however, kept sneaking looks at both of us, hoping for an instruction. Eventually, he received one.

"Just park," Lucas said, and I grew alarmed. He was definitely going to ask me to leave, so my hand went to the handle, but before I could pull the handle, he spoke again.

"Please excuse us."

I settled down then and watched as the driver exited the car. I waited, and finally, he spoke.

"What is this?" he asked. "What are you doing? Why is everything such a mess?"

I turned to look at him and didn't know what to say.

"If I take all the blame, will it make things even a little bit better?"

"Do you believe that you deserve to take all the blame?" he asked, and I nodded.

"I do. I am incredibly stubborn and..." I wanted to apologize again but stopped myself in time. "There's a lot for us to talk about," I told him, my gaze lowering to my belly.

His did as well.

"I was certain I was careful, so this was a shock to me. It took a while for me to process it, and I couldn't tell you in the meantime. But I was also worried that you'd completely take over if you found out. You're more powerful than I am, and I just… I'm sorry. I've been trying to figure things out. I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate all of this. But I won't keep you from his life or her life. I even considered not having it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm adjusting now to this reality, and I think soon enough, I'll be a bit clearer. I won't have a choice."

"Why did you decide to break things off with me?" he asked, and I turned to meet his gaze. He had to know the answer to this, but then again, maybe he didn't.

I was about to find some excuse to tell him, but I refused. It was time for a change, and it was going to begin now.

"You know why," I told him. "It's the same reason I couldn't get rid of the baby and the same reason why I couldn't tell you just yet. I don't want you to be attached to us because you simply feel responsible.”

“That's more than enough reason to be attached," he said and sighed.

"I know you're ever logical, but I want more. I've always wanted more. You showed me when we were younger just how wonderful it could be, and I’ve never been able to get over that. I don’t think I ever will."

At my words, he turned away, and after a long time, he spoke.

"Let's continue as we have been thus far," he said. "We were already exclusive anyway, and so nothing changes. That's if you want to, of course."

I couldn't say that I was disappointed, but I didn't know if I could accept this.

"I'd rather not," I said. "We don't have to be in a relationship, and I won't restrict you. If I ever need support, you’ll always be here for me. We'll be great parents, and I'm sorry."

At my words, he turned to stare at me.

"I'm sorry doesn’t cut it," he said. "Saying it a hundred times doesn't cut it."

"I know," I nodded. "I'll do anything you want me to do to let you know how sorry I am."

"Start with returning to our relationship," he said. "The circumstances are different from when we started, so let's see how things go from there."

I looked at him and didn't know what to say.

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