I smiled then and tried to play it off as casually as possible.
“Let's fuck then,” I said, setting my fork down.
I headed over to him, and the moment I held his open fly in my hand, I couldn't help reaching down to grab him. His heat and virility were no joke, and when I held the band of his pants, I couldn't help but reach further in to grab him. I loved his sharp intake of breath and the way he stared so intently into my eyes.
There was a spark of vulnerability and closeness that passed between us. The more he watched me so honestly, the longer it was prolonged until I had to move away, terrified that I was seconds away from saying all that needed to be said.
I turned around and began to focus instead on taking off my clothes. By the time I was down to my underwear, I turned and could see that he was still in the same state, watching me.
“What is it?” I asked, and he gave me a look.
“There's something wrong,” he said. “What is it?”
I stopped, wondering whether to deny this but also wanted to know why he thought this so accurately.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Because I know you. You seem burdened but yet, at peace. As though you've resolved whatever’s troubling you, but you're also not happy with the resolution."
I smiled, knowing that it would be fruitless to deny this.
“You're right,” I said. “But that's not what we should be talking about now. We shouldn't even be talking at all according to the terms of our contract, right?"
“Not if it stands in the way of my satisfaction in any form,” he said, and I smiled.
“I'll be lively,” I said and sat on the bed. I pulled his pants from his hips, along with his briefs, letting both fabrics fall to the floor, and then he was completely naked.
I didn't shy away, wanting to take in as much of his body as I could, knowing full well that I would soon no longer be allowed to. He sprawled over me, and once again stared into my eyes. My heart began to beat even faster, and then it jolted when I felt him lean forward to kiss me.
I melted completely into the kiss, despite how hard I tried not to, but it became clear to me this would be an extremely emotional session for me, so I completely gave into my desires for him with no reservations.
The kiss went on for much longer than anticipated, and I savored every moment of it. He tried to pull away, but I didn't let him completely, loving the butterflies that warmed my stomach at his taste.
It was hard to catch my breath, even when he eventually pulled away, and just stared at me.
“You're holding me,” he said, and at first, I couldn't understand what he was saying.
Until I realized that my arms were wrapped completely around him, and he couldn't fully pull away if he wanted to. I didn't know what this said, but I didn't want him to read anything into it, so I immediately released him.
“I hold you all the time,” I said, trying to brush it off.
“Yeah,” he replied, but not as eagerly. “You're usually more than willing to let go.”
“I'm emotional today,” I said. “I don’t know. Please stop reading me, and let's get to the matter at hand.”
As the words came out of my mouth, I felt him go still. He was so close in every way that it wasn't difficult to tell when I had crossed the line with him, or when he began to move away from me, I wasn't surprised.
Neither did I try to keep him with me. He sat up while I considered doing the same but in order not to make this a big deal whatsoever, I remained in a horizontal position.
"I'm beginning to think that you're the one who is emotional today," I smiled, but he didn't pay attention to this, nor did he respond. Instead, he got up and began to head to the bathroom. I was nervous then because truly, what I wanted more than anything tonight was to have sex, to get fucked so hard by him that I forgot completely about everything that had been plaguing me for the past several days.
I got up and headed over to the bathroom. He was standing before the sink with his head bent over as he splashed water onto his face. In the end, the strands of his hair came away damp and I ached to touch them. All I could do was watch him as he grabbed a towel from the side and patted his face dry. Since he couldn't see me, I grew some balls and went over to wrap my arms around his waist. He stood still and slowly removed the towel. I heard him sigh but didn't say a word, especially as I inhaled just how good he smelled. Everything about him was strong and warm, and I was going to miss him.
"This is our last time together, isn't it?" he asked, and I instantly stilled. It took a few seconds, but eventually, I looked up and met his gaze in the mirror. Then I smiled and tried to play this off as casually as possible.
"You really can read me," I said, and his face turned dark. He stared at me a little longer in the mirror and then he turned around to face me.
"You met someone?" he asked, and at first, I was so surprised by the question that it took me a while to remember the grounds for the termination of our contract. For a second, I was tempted to say yes, but then I had to consider a bit more about the repercussions of this. If I did say yes, he, of course, had his way of confirming that this was false. But it sure beat the alternative of giving him no concrete reason whatsoever since there was no way in hell I was going to tell him about the baby. I knew him well and despite whatever our relationship was, he was never going to agree to not be involved in our child's life, and having him around, especially at this critical moment when I needed clarity, was the last thing that I wanted.