Page 132 of Merciless Desires

“I… I don’t know.” She clears her throat and leans her head on my shoulder again.

My eyes find the mother who called out to me, holding a cupcake wrapper that’s not ours. “I think she mixed up the cupcakes she brought with another batch.”

I remember putting hers down, not thinking someone would set up another tray next to it. I don’t blame shit on other people. That’s a waste of time. She’s seven. This was an accident and would have been disastrous if…

If Anastasia hadn’t shown up with her meds. And she had the emotional control that vanished from me when faced with my daughter in stress.

“It’s good your nanny showed up with her EpiPen,” the mom says to me, rubbing Sophie’s back.

“She not my…” I trail off, watching Ana linger near the door. “Yeah, it was good that she showed up.” I smile to the mother and walk that way, still holding Sophie.

I meet Ana at the door. “Thank you,” I say to her, feeling like an ass that it’s taken that long.

“You’re welcome.” She smiles at my daughter. “How do you feel, Soph?”

“I’m tired.”

I nod, knowing the effects of an attack. She must be wiped out. “Do you want to go home?”

“I feel bad,” her voice is low.

“For what, honey?” My heart breaks, hearing her so sad.

“I ruined the party.”

“You didn’t ruin the party, sweetie,” Ana jumps in. “Look.”

I turn around and sure enough, all the little girls have gone back to the painting table, eating snacks. “See.” I hold Sophie tighter. “Do you want to stay?”

“I want to go home.” She snuggles against me.

Nodding, I say, “Then we’ll go home.”

“I’ll get her things.” Ana squeezes my arm, and the contact jolts through me.

I’ve been doing this alone for so long with Sophie, and only now do I feel like I’m drowning.

But keeping this particular woman who’s throwing me a lifeline will get everyone I love killed.

I drive home, Ana sitting in the back with Sophie, holding her. My eyes have trouble believing what I’m seeing in the rearview. How my daughter has warmed up to another woman so quickly, so easily, and so completely.

In the house, I put Sophie to bed for a nap, changing her out of the party dress she couldn’t wait to put on. In leggings and a sweatshirt, she falls asleep almost immediately. I keep my hand on her chest, counting her heartbeats.

Feeling wrecked, I leave her room and don’t know where to go in my own house. I left Ana in the kitchen, hanging the knapsack back on the peg. Hearing the tea kettle whistle, my legs move down the stairs before I tell them to.

Ana is cleaning up thick blue ceramic shards from the floor. “I saw you left the knapsack here, and I dropped my mug. I hope it wasn’t important.”

You’re important. More than a fucking mug.

“No. It wasn’t. I got it.” I take the dustpan from her. “Sit. I’ll make the tea this time.”

I pour water into two fresh mugs filled with chamomile and lemon tea bags.

“I don’t know how to use the leaves in the infuser. I found good old fashion tea bags. Seriously, Darragh.” She scoffs a laugh. “I didn’t peg you to be so…”

“So…”

“Stuffy and highbrow.”

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