Page 55 of First Comes Revenge

“Don’t!” she snaps, backing away and pulling her hands up defensively. “Don’t,” she says more softly, eyes meeting mine.

“Charli,” the word sounds pathetic to my own ears. I can’t think of what else to say, but it feels like my fucking insides are being ripped out and I can barely string a coherent thought together.

She shakes her head. “I really should thank you. Vaughn taught me how dangerous it is to trust people with your heart. I was dumb enough to go right back and hand it to you. Now there’s really no excuse for me anymore. No more stupid Charli. I’m going to be smart from now on. That starts with walking away from this.From you.”

Those last two words hit me like punches. I search for the right words, but what the fuck can I say? Tell her I did plan to gently screw her over originally, but I just changed my mind? Tell her again that I really was about to tell her the truth? She’s right. I was willing to betray her trust. Maybe that’s all that matters.

I hang my head and hear the door click shut a moment later.

When Charli leaves the room, it feels like all the color from my life drains away–all the color I hadn’t realized was seeping into the lines these past few weeks. It leaves with her.

21

CHARLI

“Done,” I say. I click the laptop shut and look up at Dani, who is studying something out of a textbook and still wearing her scrubs from work on my couch.

“Done?” she asks.

“Done!” I say, smiling a little.

“I thought you were already done,” she says, eyebrows creased.

“Done editing, doofus,” I say. “It’s kind of a big part of the process, and part I still needed to do. I couldn’t bring myself to until I knew the book was actually mine again. But I finished it. Ireallyfinished it. Signed, sealed, and ready to deliver.” I wait, then smile and lift my hands up. “That means we celebrate!”

Dani leaps up, pumping her fists and laughing as we dance around with no coordination or rhythm. It’s a beautiful, chaotic moment of fist pumping, booty shaking, and hugging. When we settle back down, her expression tells me she’s about to ask me something she knows I won’t want to talk about. That means it’s about Jameson.

For the past month, Dani hasn’t given it up. Her attempts to talk about what happened lurk around every corner like the bad guy in a scary movie–and that’s exactly how talking about it makes me feel. I want to run, scream, or fall to the ground and curl in a ball when I think about it.

It physicallyhurtsto think about. I remember how happy I was. Jameson didn’t come into my life with a bag of tools, a know-it-all mentality, and start trying to fix me. He was like a bright light that shined into all my dark places, forcing me to see myself for what I really am. He showed me my flaws as well as the good parts. He made me see I’m worth standing up for–that I should have been speaking up all along and defending myself. But then he went and screwed it all up by making me use that lesson to push him out of my life, because Idodeserve better than being lied to.Don’t I?

I think about the weirdness and wildness of Jameson and so many parts of me long to go back, but I know I can’t. Except maybe I could. That’s the part that haunts me the most. I could go right back to him, but I’m convinced I need to stay strong and stay away from Jameson Wolfe.

“Are you going to tell him you finished the book?” she asks.

“Why would I do that?” My tone is harsher than I intend, but I can’t help it. It has been four weeks and three days since I stormed out of his office. Four weeks and three days since his legal team helped me get the rights to my story pulled from Landmark. I haven’t contacted Vaughn, Aubrey, or anyone else at Gray Wolfe. All I know is I’ve been given the go-ahead by the legal team to resume treating the story like it’s mine, and their assurances that nobody else is going to publish it. They even made sure my copyright status is ironclad as a favor to make sure I can rest easy against any other forms of piracy.

“I don’t know,” Dani says. “I just wonder. I mean, what if he really was going to tell you?”

“So what?” I say. “He lied to me. He already proved he would lie to me and deceive me. Do any of the other details even matter?”

This is a conversation Dani and I have circled about a thousand times. Gemmaline is kind of on Dani’s side and thinks I should at least hear him out. Roxie agrees with me and thinks I should slash his tires. Maddie suggested photoshopping him on some posters to hang up around town, but I think she just wants the excuse to prank more people. She has been begging me to tick off more items on our brainstorming board for Vaughn pranks, but I haven’t had the energy or motivation. I just want to keep moving on from all of it.

All I feel is drained. I’m disappointed and empty. Finishing the book does feel good, but the happiness doesn’t last. It’s like I started this book in a different life, and I can remember what it was supposed to mean to me to be finished. But that’s as far as it goes. It’s like the memory of meaning. It’s not sinking in the way it should, and that makes me feel even more empty.

Dani sighs. “I hate this for you. You guys seemed so good together.”

“I guess that’s the problem with relationships,” I say. “It’s not really that hard to be on your best behavior at first. It’s not hard to manipulate and trick people. And once you’ve been through that, how are you supposed to ever trust someone again? How do you stop looking behind every corner and wondering what else they’re not being honest about?”

Dani purses her lips. She just started dating a guy from the vet clinic where she works last week, and I know what she’s probably wanting to say. To her credit, she doesn’t voice it. Whatever she’s thinking is probably some optimistic take on trust and love from someone who is still in the early days of the honeymoon phase with a brand new boyfriend. It’s almost funny that I think of her relationship as so young and innocent, considering I only fake dated Jameson for three weeks before things blew up. It felt like so much more, though.

“So,” she says. “What is the next step now that it’s finished?”

I know she means the book, but I can’t help thinking she’s talking about how finished me and Jameson are. Another familiar pang of sadness rings through me, reminding me how hollowed out I feel now.

“I try to get published.”

“I’m guessing Landmark is ruled out?”

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