Page 90 of Beyond Friendship

“You could have explained it to her in a decent way. Instead, you lost one of your best friends by hurting his sister and ending it the way you did, Brian.”

I swallow down the emotions that want to spill out.

A beep sounds, and Cole curses as he looks at his phone screen.

“Who is that?” I ask.

“Alisha. She has a checkup in an hour.”

“Then what are you doing here? You’ve babysat long enough. I’m up, alive, and walking.”

The deep wrinkle set between his eyes makes me grin. “Go, Bulldozer.”

He gets up and grabs his coat from the back end of the stool, sighing. “If you need anything, call me, Fox. I mean it.”

I roll my eyes. “My headache and I will be dandy.”

A slight grin appears on his lips.

“I’ll call you later,” he says, walking to the door.

“Yeah, yeah.” I stop when Cole turns and pierces me with his gaze as he is midway through the driveway.

“I’m here for you, my friend.”

A nod is all I can give as emotions rise when hearing him call me friend. He had every reason to abandon me after the way I acted, yet he didn’t

Once Cole is gone, I get back in the kitchen and throw the pieces of the broken cup in the bin. As I watch the fragments fall, I conclude that my life is nothing but a dark, empty void without a future. I wander through the hollow house while a truckload of emotions keep pestering me. Stopping in my bedroom, my eyes meet the picture of my parents, then the set of black pumps sitting by the bed, and I turn into a raging tornado.

Shoes fly, pictures crash against the wall, and like a madman, I tear the TV from the wall and let it crash on the ground. Tears hot like lava flow until my legs cave. With big heaves, I let the build-up waves of pure agony tear through my soul. I roll onto my back and scream from my core when I realize I’ve lost everything that’s worth living for.

28

BRIAN

4 WEEKS LATER

A stark contrastof pleasure and pain pulses through me as I stand in the middle of the overcrowded club. The music blares, overlaid with laughter, as vibrant colors blur together to create a single vibrant energy engulfing everyone here. Yet, I remain an outsider, my feet rooted to the same spot for eternity, unable to move or relate to their joy. The only thing I can feel is the intense loneliness pressing against my chest.

My stare flits around the room, and memories burst to life. Everywhere I look, something reminds me of Amanda—the door she walked through so many times; in my office, the fragrance of her perfume still lingers, reverberating with the noise of all our laughter and passionate lovemaking.

I can’t help but be plagued by what-ifs.What if I could have just been her friend? What if I had resisted temptation? If only my decisions had differed and my convictions been stronger, would we be here now?Blame creeps up, as I can’t deny it’s been my own selfish choices that led us here.

I thought working tonight would be a distraction from all these thoughts, a way to forget for a moment by focusing on work. But it only serves to amplify how alone I feel inside. Everyone around me is here for a purpose, but I don’t have one. I’ve lost it. I’ve lost my mom, the woman I love, and with that one of my best friends.

I turn away and walk back toward the bar, lost in my own thoughts. A tap on my shoulder makes me turn around and see Darius. He looks at me with a knowing look in his eyes, and I know he can sense my sadness.

“Hey,” he says. “You okay?”

I shake my head and look away. He sighs and looks around the club before turning back to me. “Go home. I’ll close up with a few others. You’ve done enough for today. Get some rest,” he says, putting his hand on my shoulder and giving it a squeeze.

I nod and give him a weak smile. “Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, boss,” he says before clapping me on the back and walking away.

The sun’srays stream through the window, spilling warmth across my skin and dragging me from my sleep with a groan. I roll onto my back and take in the chaotic state of my bedroom. Clothes haphazardly all over the floor, along with empty take-out boxes and other assorted items. The television is still lying on its side, broken screen facing up to me.

A heavy sigh leaves my lips as I think about the day ahead of me. Another day filled with work. Memories of Amanda fill me with longing and sadness. A pang of guilt stabs at my heart thinking back to the night I pushed her out of my life.

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