“Well, I have a ton of food which includes three gallons of ice cream. We are all spending the night in our pajamas and drinking my killer margaritas watching chick flicks. Do you and Beth want to come?”
Ashley says it sincerely, but as much as she’s being nice, I can’t see myself hanging out with girls ten years younger than me and not being a party pooper. I can barely keep my eyes open as is and my feet are already killing me from the heels I wore all day.
I sigh. “I think I’ll stay here, order some dinner and get some work done. But I hope you have a fun night.”
“Suit yourself. Beth what about you?” Ashley asks glancing her way.
“I’d love to, but I want to finish a few more things here and like Lace, I need to eat some real food.”
Ashley shrugs. “Okay, but both of you need to get out of here. Promise you won’t stay here all night? You’re here way too much, and not that it’s my business but don’t you have boyfriends?”
I stare at the wall. Ashley has been working with us for a few months now and I am surprised that this type of information hasn’t come up yet in general conversation.
Before I can even respond Beth blurts out “Lace and I are both single. Lace isverysingle.”
I give Beth a glare. “What is that supposed to mean?Verysingle?”
Beth shakes her head and raises her hands. “I’m just saying, I just got out of relationship like four months ago, I have some time to officially call myself single. You haven’t been in a relationship or even dated anyone in like two years. That makes you way more single than me.”
“It’s actually been three years,” I state in a quiet whisper.
I can see Ashley’s eyes go wide like she can’t believe a woman in her mid-thirties would admit such a thing. “Well Lace, my uncle came in the other day when you were here, and he thinks you’re quite a looker. Actually, I think his words were “that woman with the long brown wavy hair is something to behold.”
I feel my cheeks flush as I retreat behind the counter. Beth stares at me, confused at my reaction. I’m uncomfortable and I don’t know why. I know I appeal to some men. I’m blessed to have great hair and skin that behaves how I want it to. My hips on the other hand seem to have expanded in the last few years and my jeans fit a little tighter which the internet now tells me is because I have a ‘muffin top.’ Dressing this new body poses its challenges, and trying to find something to wear on a date is truly the least of my priorities.
Suddenly I feel a strike on my arm. Beth is glaring at me. “Stop being weird. Maybe you should consider going on a date. It’s way overdue Lace. No pressure. Just a date.”
I see Ashley looking intently at me. I’m sure she’s thinking my hesitance is somewhat a reflection on her in some way. “Ashley, thank you really. I’m just not ready and I need to get my feet under myself with this new job and my time is going to be spread thin.”
Ashley nods. “I get it. I think.” She grabs the box of her items from the counter. “I gotta get going. Don’t stay here too late!” She says as she turns and goes out the door.
I turn to look at Beth shaking her head at me. I know what she’s thinking but I don’t have the energy to entertain it. “Not now okay? Can we just order some dinner?”
“Yes, fine. But really Lace. You do need to think about dating. You can’t be a hermit forever.”
Why can’t I be? I’m pretty sure there are plenty of women who love being single. I have made it through the last three years without a relationship or dating completely fine. I haven’t crumbled or stayed in bed for days eating gelato. I am good single. I function well by myself. That’s what I tell myself anyway. I’m grateful I have Beth, but not having any family around, there are days when being by myself feels like the biggest challenge. I would love to find that special someone and dare I admit have a family, but I’ve also come to accept that at my age it might not happen.
I decide to ignore Beth’s last statement. “I’m putting in our taco order. The usual but I’m getting extra chips and salsa. I’m starving.”
“Good idea. Hey, order some churros too,” Beth says licking her lips.
“Seriously? We’re surrounded by all things sweet and sugary, and you want churros?” I laugh and shake my head.
“Come on Lace. We don’t make churros, and it’s been a day.”
I can’t disagree. It has been a day. “Okay fine. I’ll order a few churros. Can you go pick up the order while I go in the back and do the monthly financials?”
Beth nods. “Of course. I could use the walk.”
Being on Main Street is convenient. Walking a few blocks you can find your choice of coffee shops, gift stores, pizza places, Tex-Mex and of course our bakery. Littleford is a small town and a great place if you don’t want the hustle of the city, but you want something larger than a backend woods kind of place.
“Thanks! I’m going in the back to change into comfy clothes and get the numbers done. See you in a bit.”
I head back to the small office that has way too much stuff in it. There’s a small desk with a phone and a laptop, but the rest of the room has become the spill over for extra supplies that don’t fit in our storage room. I toss my bag on the floor and pull out my yoga pants and sneakers. I sit in the chair thrilled that I’m in something stretchy and my calves can take a break from being in heels. I open the laptop and get to work.
After twenty minutes of compiling spreadsheets, I can see that our last month looks better than the previous, but it’s still not where we need to be if we’re going to keep this place open. I lean back in my chair and close my eyes. I have to make this all work. I know working at Whitmore Tech will provide me with more income so I can invest in the bakery. I start reworking the numbers entering in the money I’ll be investing. The new numbers improve but not nearly as much as I anticipate. I bite the inside of my cheek as the laptop screen glows casting a soft light around the room. I can feel my stomach churn as acid gets caught in my throat. I swallow it down and pull the hair elastic off my wrist and swirl my hair into a messy bun. This will work out. I have to keep telling myself that it will but as I sit and stare at the screen, I can’t help but feel a little bit of doubt. I pause and let out a gruff moan because I don’t know what it is I’m feeling now but the silence in the bakery has suddenly become deafening.
I stand up just as the front door chimes. “Food is here Lace!” I hear Beth shout.