Page 38 of Tainted Sinners

Jack

“I love the way you smell after I spend all night abusing this pussy,” I groan, wrapping my arms around Heather to pull her over me. She giggles huskily, her tits cushioning her against my chest as she tangles her legs between mine. Warm, sweat-sticky skin clings to my own, and I brush her hair out of the way to see her flush face. Grabbing her ass cheeks, I squeeze and knead greedily, and she palms my chest to sit up and straddle my waist. “Look at you.”

“I don’t know,” Heather grins at me, but a glint in her eyes makes me uneasy. Shuffling up onto my elbows, I arch a brow quizzically in anticipated silence. “I never would’ve thought you liked being down there.”

“I never thought the view would be so…” I trail off, my mouth drying as I try to come up with the words. Her eyes glisten with hope, and I suddenly can’t breathe, not because of her weight but because of her expectations. It’s so heavy, so heavy. Reaching up to cup her cheek, I tenderly rub under her eye with my thumb. “I don’t have words.”

“Do you just not want to acknowledge that you like me?” My throat tightens at Heather’s blunt question, and I roughly sit up to run my hand through my hair. Sitting back on my lap, Heather crosses her arms to cup the back of her neck. Sliding off me, she hangs her legs over the side of her bed to bluster a heavy sigh. “Do you... like me? Or are we just having sex? What about the debt you hang over me? What happens when there is no more reason to keep me around? You’ll throw me away?”

“Th—throw you away?” I stammered, completely caught off guard by the question. Heather ducks her head, her hair sticking to her bare back. My blood drums in my ears, my heart leaping into my throat. “Do you seriously have so little fucking faith in me, Heather? After everything?”

“After everything you demand of me—give me no choice but to comply?” Her voice is soft but desolate, sad, and it hurts to hear it. “You said you’d kill me how many times? How can you think this is a relationship in which I have a choice when all I can do is make the best of a horrible situation you willingly and explicitly forced me into when you didn’t have to? Don’t you ever look at me and think that what you’re doing to me is the same shit my dad did to my mom—that Frankie did to his girlfriend before he disappeared? Why would I have faith in you when you treat me this way, Jack?”

Did... Heather, just compare me to Frankie. Frankie, who killed my sister for—I blink suddenly, my stomach churning and knotting dangerously. Frankie used my sister to get close to me, just like I’m using Heather to get to Frankie. He killed my sister for trying to leave him and Heather... I’d threatened her several times. I cover my mouth in horror. It’s so hard to breathe under the weight of that realization.

“You forced all this on me and never considered that?” Looking up through aching eyes, I suck in a sharp breath at the sour expression on Heather’s face. She laughs an ugly, rueful laugh, so disgusting, and I gulp harshly. “I can’t believe you.”

"Forget about the debt, then. It was all a ruse, and you already knew it." Heather turns around, her hands running through her hair, and my voice painfully scrapes my throat. She stands up, now pale, when just moments ago she was glowing. "Forget the debt, and fuck the jobs. Fuck everything. But you—”

“So, you’re just gonna say those three words, and that’s it? All this for nothing? At any point, you could’ve said that. You could’ve not approached me at all because it means nothing more to you than three words?” Heather questions and my heart throbs painfully. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out when she stands up sharply. “That’s fine. Words don’t mean anything. ‘I’ll kill you,' 'I’ll handle it, or ‘there is a job’,‘I own you’, and not once in any of those combinations did you say the words I find myself wanting to hear, Jack.”

“You want me to tell you I love you?” I balk, and Heather suddenly whips around to point a gun at me. I stiffen, the hairs on the back of my neck bristling wildly. Her hand is steady, but her eyes are burning and tumultuous.

“No, you dumbass! I want you to say you like me, damnit! You care about me! You’re not playing me! That I matter! I get something out of this more than just being a sex doll that can fire bullets!” Heather shouts, lowering the gun briefly, and I jump to grab it. Yanking her arm up, I twist her hand back, and she cries out a horrible, tortured sound as I wrap my arms around her. Hooking my leg behind her, I kick her legs out from under her, and she crumples down to sob heartbrokenly.

“Stop—stop,” Curling my legs around her, I hold her down, and Heather cries harshly. Her tears burn my chest, and I gasp for air. My mind churns furiously; what do I say? All the things I’d pushed down until now are presently clogging my throat as her sobs batter my brain. Why’s she exploding like this now? Today? Did something happen? But my mind freezes as she wails, so upset that she can’t talk. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, please. You’re important to me, Heather. Believe me, you’re more important to me than almost anything.”

“Say it, then,” Heather demands, shoving me back to bang on my chest furiously. Her face beet red, eyes fierce, cheeks twitching wildly. “Say it! Say it, damnit! Say it!”

“I want to make you happy,” I grip Heather’s face in both my palms and she stills, her breath hitching loudly. Earnestness scratches my throat; being truthful after all this time is physically painful. My nails dig into her temples as I shake from this immense feeling bearing down on me. “I want to make you happy, Heather. I want you to be happy, and I want to be the one that does that for you. I’ll never throw you away. I’ll never abandon you. I’ll never force you again... just—just stop. Please stop.”

What am I saying?Heather’s a game piece to get revenge for my sister... this isn’t supposed to be like this.

Or... is Heather the revenge? For us both? Her, for being born, and me, for letting my sister be murdered? I’ll get Frankie if it takes the rest of my life, but what kind of life would it be if that’s all I have? If I’m so hollow, so lonely, that in killing Frankie... I end up a husk myself, aching for death when my life’s goal is concluded.

No matter how it happened, Heather changed me as much as I changed her. We grew... together. We both realized how empty our lives were and how they started didn’t matter.

“You’ve done nothing—nothing—but lie to me since the day we met,” Heather sniffles, shattering the silence with her hiccup and hoarse words. “I can’t trust you. I haven’t changed. I’m still—still a pushover. I still let you take advantage of me. You trample all over me, and I tell myself... it’s not so bad? You could be worse. But you—you’re the worst of them all... because you make me enjoy it.”

“You can trust me, Heather,” I say, and she frowns deep and bitter, making dimples appear on her chin. It’s a horrible expression. Palming my chest, I nod as the unfamiliar sensation of desperation floods my veins. “Whatever you want. Whatever I can do.”

“Then prove it! What I want! I want you to say it!” Heather rasps, slamming her palms on the floor.Say what? What does she want?I blink as a sudden realization washes over me. Sucking in a sharp breath, my heart hammers hard as I reach sluggishly towards her. She’s naked, shivering, but so am I when I look down at the copious, frigid sweat dripping down my body.

Terror. Is this terror? This aching in my bones and the inability to think of anything. Taking her trembling hands in mine, I inch forward to close the distance between us. Her carpet rubs my shins raw; I can acutely feel all the fibers individually. Big, brown eyes leak tears, her chin wobbling, nostrils flaring.

“You... as much as you’re my woman,” I say gravely, and Heather’s wide eyes grow wider, her lips parting in anticipation. “I’m yours, too, Heather. You’re not an object, and that’s all you’ve never wanted. It’s the only thing you put your foot down about. I do—I do listen to you. I do hear you. But if you’d allow it, we can be together. You’ll be mine as much as I’ll be yours. No objectification. No possession. Just you and me... equals.”

What am I saying?Equals? Heather’s not my equal. She’s a tool. For... for? For what, again? Seeing her like this jumbles my mind. Tucking her chin in her chest, she tries hard to stop crying, but all she does is slobber on herself. Heather flops onto her side to wipe her face harshly against the carpet, sputtering and gasping. Very carefully, I stroke her head and shoulder and down her arm. Gently pulling her into my lap, I gulp and hold my breath in apprehension.

“I am sorry,m'eudail,” I whisper, and Heather stiffens against me. She mutely buries her face in my thighs, and I stroke her hair tenderly, down the side of her face as she sluggishly relaxes. It’s hot on her cheek and neck. Burning hot. Gathering her up to deposit her onto her bed, I finally gasp for breath and clutch my throat. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I cover my face in shame. “She’s gonna be the death of me.”

I can’t bear to look at Heather and see her pain—the pain that I caused. For what? I knew—I always knew that I could get to Frankie without her. She just seemed to expedite that, and I was impatient. Look at what a mess I’ve caused, intentionally ruining her life. No matter how often I tell myself that Heather’s not a better version of herself. She’s just turning into a creature I forced into a mold.

It’s all gonna end, though. It’s all going to end tonight. Frankie... Madeline... even Heather’s father... I’ll finish it, even if it means giving her up.

CHAPTERTHIRTY

Heather

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