Page 45 of Playing Rough

Blood roars in my ears as betrayal cuts through me. I stare at Riot's conflicted face, struggling to grasp this earthquake of a revelation. Everything between us just shifted in ways I’m not ready for.

Riot steps towards me, eyes brimming with worry. The popcorn bowl sits forgotten between us.

He runs a hand through his hair. "Fuck. You know." It's not a question.

I hold his gaze, anger and confusion swirling through me. "You're him. You're FrozenFire."

Riot's shoulders slump. "Yeah. I'm him." He takes a cautious step forward. "London, I wanted to tell you. I just didn't know how once I realized."

My fists clench at my sides. "How long have you known?"

He sighs heavily. "About a week. I noticed things you said lining up with our chats. Wasn't totally sure until a few days ago." His eyes plead with me. "I'm so damn sorry. I handled this all wrong."

I'm reeling, trying to wrap my head around this. This person who’s been my safe place, my best fucking friend for years has been Riot this whole time.

"You should've trusted me with the truth," I bite out. Underneath the anger, hurt throbs sharp. He didn't think I could handle knowing. And we just fucked with this lie between us.

Goddamn it.

Riot looks torn up. "You're right. I was trying to protect myself, but I fucked up. I was scared of losing what we've got going here." He reaches for me hesitantly. "I know it's no excuse. I should’ve been straight with you."

I waver, resentment warring with empathy inside me. But his dishonesty cuts deep.

Riot seems to read my conflicted feelings. "I know I messed up bad. But can you give me a chance to make this right between us, London? Please?"

His raw plea deflates some of my anger. But it can't erase the damage that's done. I rake a hand through my hair, way too rattled to process all this tonight.

"I just... I need some space to think, okay?"

Riot looks crestfallen but nods. "Yeah, of course. Take your time."

I turn away before my traitorous heart caves. Tonight has irreparably changed things between us in more than one way. We fucked for the first time, but he also lied to me. Where we go from here, I just don't know.

I stop at my door, anger bubbling up again. There's one loose thread left.

I turn back to Riot. "Why'd you ghost me online? Why just disappear?"

Riot looks guilty as hell. "I thought it'd be simpler to focus on us, on what we've got going here." He motions between the two of us before he rubs his neck. "I wasn't trying to complicate shit."

I cross my arms. "You still should’ve told me straight up. Not just left me on read."

"You're right," he says heavily. "It wasn't cool of me. I fucked up."

I sigh, exhaustion hitting hard. "I get your reasons. But it hurts you didn't trust me to handle the truth. To talk it out like a fucking adult."

Riot opens his mouth, but I hold up a hand. "I believe you're sorry. But I need time to sort this clusterfuck out in my head."

I leave Riot standing there looking like a kicked puppy. But I'm running on empty tonight.

In my room, I fall onto the bed, emotionally spent. Tonight was a goddamn earthquake, rattling the foundation between us. I never thought the first time we fucked I’d be passing out in my bed alone.

But right now, I just need sleep to wrap my head around what this all means.

I listen to Riot settle on the couch, no doubt wrestling with his own regrets. Part of me wants to crawl into his arms and sayfuck it, I forgive you. Tonight, I need space to untangle my emotions without causing harm to our relationship. I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t know if I can trust him either.

17

RIOT

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