Page 53 of Taming Liberty

“I don’t even know what you’re wanting.”

“I want you to trust me!”

“I do.”

A muscle pulses in her jaw, and if looks could kill, I’d be dropping dead. “Do not treat me like I’m stupid.”

I take a steadying breath. I’m genuinely confused about what it is she wants, but whatever it is, I want to give it to her. I do. She started out as something I desperately wanted to taste, but she’s so much more than that now. I care for her in a way I’ve never cared about anyone, and I want her to be happy. I’d do almost anything to make her happy. And she says I’ve giving hernothing?

I’ve spent every day with her, giving her more time than I reasonably have to give. I’ve been vowing to do more work from home while pushing a lot of it onto Sawyer. I’m doing everything I can to try to make this okay for her, but I’m failing. I’m failing, yet I have no idea how, no clue what I’m doing wrong. Because I question her motives? Because I don’t believe her intentions are pure? Because I think maybe that fighter in her hasn’t had its last match?

I can give her my time, my patience, my protection, my affection, my care, my money, my home, mylife,but I can’t give her the off switch to my bullshit detector.

“Then don’t treat me likeI’mstupid,” I say, forcing the words past my teeth.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means your attempts at convincing me you want to get to know Sawyer, or any of my friends for that matter, are insulting. Sawyer bought you like an object and whored you out. I’m not foolish enough to believe you forgot about that.”

She bites down on her bottom lip, her eyes wide with anger before she looks away.

“How do you expect me to trust you when it’s obvious you’re trying to play me?” I ask.

“I’m not trying to play you.”

I glower at her while she stares off, probably coming up with her next lie. She and I are too damn alike.

Finally, she looks at me, her features softening. “I’m trying to be what you want.”

I groan and look up at the sky.

“I’m telling you the truth.”

“Jesus, Lib, just stop it.” I flick my hand as if I’m waving away the bullshit. “If you don’t want to tell me what you’re up to, fine, but at least stop trying to make me feel guilty for not baring my soul to you.”

I blow out a breath and roll my neck, trying to relax enough to put up with this, but I don’t think I can right now. If I hear one more obvious line, I’m going to explode.

I turn and start toward my home, my feet sinking into the sand with each stomp.

“You’re never going to love me, are you?”

My muscles seize, stopping me in my tracks.

I wait for her to continue, and for once, I hope there’s more bullshit to come. I hope she’s saying this out of manipulation and that the sorrow cracking her voice is fake.

“That’s okay,” she continues, her words etched with pain and contempt. “You’re not the only one who can’t.”

Lib lets out a sob, and I turn and go to her. I reach out my hand but don’t touch her, afraid she’ll break if I do. My hand falls to my side, and I shuffle my feet while trying to think of something to say.

It isn’t that I’m incapable of love. I’m not. I’m just terrified of it.

“I care very deeply for you,” I say, my voice soft.

Lib snorts. “Yeah, okay.”

“Why is that so hard for you to believe?”

Her eyes meet mine, imploring me, begging me for something I can’t decipher. “I understand that you would be skeptical of me saying I want to get to know your friends. You’re right, it was bullshit. I’m not trying to play you because I’m an asshole, I’m just trying to get as much information about this place as I can so I’ll have it the day you decide you don’t want me anymore.”

---