Page 6 of Taming Liberty

2

Liberty

Iwake with a start.

My gasp drags air into my lungs, and I shoot up, patting myself like I’m trying to swat off a spider or search for injuries. But it isn’t me who’s injured, and after half a second, I remember the source of my panic.

Desiree. She’s dead. I killed her.

Last night, normally sweet and docile Lily screamed at me at the tops of her lungs, calling me what I am.

Murderer.

I killed Desiree.

Ikilledher.

Angel. He carried me away from it all. He told me he’d take credit for Desiree’s murder, as if anyone would believe him.

Sawyer.

Sawyer.

My conversation with him last night plays in my head, and I want to cry and scream all over again, but I can’t get my lungs to fill. I don't know what to process first, and I’m not sure I want to process any of it at all.

Last night.

Betrayal.

Murder.

Now?

I look around the dark room, my eyes slowly adjusting. It’s Angel’s guest bedroom. I can barely see anything, but I remember my first night in this bed, how the soft mattress felt like it was swallowing me. My body sinks into it now, the quilted bedspread covering my thighs.

I inhale Angel’s scent and tense. I look to my left and right and can see even in the dark that no one else is in the room with me.

I inhale again and look down at my chest. I’m wearing his shirt. It sticks to my back, my sweat acting as glue. I lift the collar to my nose and breathe him in, just to be certain it’s the shirt I’m smelling. A sharp, deep pain pierces my chest, and I bite my lip before the tears can start.

He lied to me. Not only that, but he’s been manipulating me this entire time, making me think he was some kind of protector instead of the source of my husband’s betrayal. Sawyer said Robert found out about my internet friend… Did Angel tell him about us? Is the situation even worse than I’m imagining?

I drag the quilt up to my chin and pull my knees to my chest.

I can’t be here. I can’t… I can’t face him right now. Maybe not ever. I was relieved when I saw him last night, at my rescue yet again, but now, in the most ironic twist, it’s Sawyer I want to see. Last night was an accident, he has to believe me.

Will the other girls believe me?

My stomach turns at the thought of facing them, especially Lily and Clara. I wouldn’t blame any of them for not believing that it was an accident. With the tension between Desiree and me…

I killed her. Oh my god, I can’t believe I killed her.

I close my eyes and inhale a deep breath, then another and another until the pounding in my ears ceases and my heart rate slows.

It was an accident. A really, really awful, tragic accident. I wouldn’t… I would never…

I dig my nails into my knees as my eyes begin to burn. My teeth clamp down on my lip, and when it feels like I won’t be able to hold back a scream, I grab a pillow and stuff it over my face.

I release the gut-wrenching scream, giving my lungs relief while scorching my throat. I lift my head from the pillow just enough to draw in another breath, then I shove my face into it and scream again.

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