I should’ve told her from the very beginning. If not when I first reached out to her, then when she arrived on the island. I could’ve explained myself then. I don’t think it would’ve helped the feeling of betrayal, but it would’ve been honest. I wouldn’t be caught in this elaborate fucking lie I’m not sure she’ll be able to forgive.
But would she have forgiven me then?
No. God, no. Not when I was just another man among a pack of beasts.
Still, I should’ve told her. At least she wouldn’t be hiding from me in a forest right now. So much that’s happened could’ve been avoided if I’d just told her the truth. Or at least let Sawyer in on the lie.
“Idiot,” I mumble under my breath, shaking my head.
I spot a mound of boulders up ahead and swipe the sweat off my forehead before hiking toward it. If I can get a good vantage point, maybe I’ll be able to spot her as the sun rises. It couldn’t be any less productive than calling out to deaf ears.
I get to the pile and climb several before I reach the top where a giant boulder juts out from the trees. I pull myself up it and nearly drop back down when Lib’s form startles me. I slide my legs onto the rough rock then sit on the edge, staring at Lib who has her back to me.
She’s as still as she was when she was in shock, but I know she’s aware of my presence. Her legs dangle over the cliff, her hands resting in her lap.
I stand and walk to her before sitting down several feet away, my shoes scraping the edge of the boulder when I extend my legs in front of me. My house looks tiny from here, and my limbs tingle with anxiety being this high up. I turn my gaze to Lib’s back and try to ignore my useless fear of heights.
Earlier, before I had a chance to fully accept getting caught in such a vicious lie, I shut down. I was cold, challenging.How dare you reject mekind of arrogant. I reacted toward her the way I would react toward anyone, and I regret it now. I’m not a humble man. Maybe that makes me an asshole or every bit the monster she claims I am, but it’s the truth. And I don’t like to admit when I’m wrong.
Yet this time, I’m wrong. So damn wrong. I know it in my head, but showing it isn’t in my nature.
Still, I try.
“I know there isn’t a suitable explanation for why I did what I did, but I have one anyway. If you want it.”
Her head lowers, and her arms flex as she fidgets with her hands.
I cough and look up at the sky, tapping my fingers on the rock.
I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
She huffs, allowing a moment to go by before she responds. “I’m sure that was very difficult for you.”
“Believe it or not, it was.”
She turns to face me, her glare aimed at me as threatening as a gun, but it isn’t the glare that kicks me in the stomach. It’s the puffiness around her bloodshot eyes, visible even in the minimal light.
I did that.
“I’m sorry,” I say again, the words coming a little easier this time. I run my hand through my hair and close my eyes. “I should’ve told you I’d been the one messaging you. It was…”
I sigh and open my eyes. Her stare is still fixed on me, but it’s less condemning. I can see she’s hanging on to my words. She needs this.
“It was just so much easier to let you think it was Sawyer.”
“Why?” she asks, her voice filled with so much pain it grates my ears.
“Because I’m selfish. I didn’t want you to hate me.”
She faces forward as she pulls in a ragged breath.
Another few seconds pass, crickets breaking up the silence.
“So are you and Sawyer partners in this? You both talk to women and try to lure them here? Is that why…” another ragged breath. “Is that why you asked me to meet you?”
“No.” I shake my head even though she isn’t looking at me. My spine straightens. “The plan was already set for you to come here. I wasn’t luring you. I was just … trying to see if you would be willing to meet me of your own free will.”
“Obviously, my free will doesn’t matter much to you.”