Page 40 of Thanking Her Brother's Best Friends

"You think that if you get too happy, something will come along and snatch that happiness from you. That becomes the reason for you to find fault with the good things too, because that way, no one can take your happiness. You're doing it to yourself."

I tried to register what she was saying, but my mind was pulling a major blank. "It was beautiful," I finally said. "Last night. I don't know whether that came from the lack of obligations or just how natural everything felt, but I was so fucking guilty after I got home. I've never done this—never been with someone and had no strings attached. Fuck, forget strings. I usually attach a whole fucking ball of wool to my relationships. Or a truck full of ’em."

"A truck full of balls of wool?" she asked, her lips curling into a slight smile. "There's an image. I don't know why, but it makes me sleepy. Selene, listen to me. This is simply how your life needs to be right now. Do you hear me?"

I responded dully. "I hear you."

We looked outside at the line gathering near the door. Every morning before my shop opened, sharp at nine thirty, lines four times the size of our seating capacity would wait their turn.

It was a very humbling experience, in the best way possible. It told me that I was doing something right with my life, at least when it came to work. The rest, well...

"Take the rest of the day off."

"What?" My eyes widened in horror at the prospect of doing nothing to battle the stress raging in my heart. "No way! There's too much to do."

"You don't have to visit the set today. We can easily run the shop for the next few hours. And the nanny's picking Oliver up from school today, right? So, you have absolutely no excuse for not taking some time to go do literally anything else except stew in your thoughts."

Trust my best friend to tell me I had no excuse for doing absolutely nothing.

"But..." I waved my hands desperately. "What will I do with the free time?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Just look at you. I honestly need to get you out of the kitchen more. Go visit a good restaurant, Sel. Or go shopping. I would take you myself, but man, I live for rush hour, and if I took off with you, you'd probably go ballistic."

I chuckled weakly. "That I would. You’re sure you can take over for me?"

"Positive."

With that, I decided to go home for a little while. Ollie would stay longer at school because the kids were practicing for a mid-term drama show.

He was still cut up that the teacher had cast him as one of the good little guys in the show. He thought he could play a villain "mighty well".

I really hoped this was just a phase. Sticking around at home, though, all I could think about was Aiden and Dominic and how attracted I was to both of them. I decided I needed a dose of Southern Baptist love and called Ben.

An hour later, I walked through the bustling corridors of Faneuil Hall Marketplace. I spotted Ben waiting for me near the Quincy Market building.

The sight of his warm, kind, homely face just put me in the right spot. This was what I'd been needing. To meet my brother.

"Finally, my superstar sister has found some time for me!" he exclaimed, gathering me into a warm embrace. I laughed and punched his shoulder. "Please, Ben. I'm just Sel from that TV show."

"That TV show that's caught the attention of all of America and is about to get renewed for two more seasons?" he replied, curling his arm around me as we broke into an easy, comfortable walk.

"How is everything?" I asked, hungry to know more about home. "Did you visit Mom? How's married life treating you?"

"I met Mom two weeks ago. She's getting older. You know what it's like around her."

He didn't need me to tell him I did. Mama Baker was a sore point for the two of us because Ben felt it was time for me to forgive her for how she'd treated me in the past. I could let go of a lot, but I couldn't go back to loving her up close.

Some relationships just did better if you learned to distance yourself from each other. I loved her because she was my parent. But if there would have been no shared blood between us, I don't think either of us would have liked each other.

She believed in a different kind of lifestyle. It included getting married young and producing grandchildren like the female body was nothing but a reproductive factory.

It also involved sticking around with your husband, no matter how impossible the situation became.

Mama Baker was schooled in very old, very conservative ways, and to an extent, they had served her well. If not much else, they had helped her survive. But in the process of surviving, she tried to make sure that I would become an extension of her. I was no martyr.

I wanted a free life, one I could live on my own terms. She didn't understand that. And I didn't understand her.

We had a lovely morning. We visited boutiques selling crafts and trinkets, and I found a pretty silver bracelet that I had to bring home.

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