Page 62 of Of Desire And Deception

“Mom,” I tried to interrupt gently.

She was sobbing now. “If he’d loved me, he never would have left me like this.”

“Mom, he didn’t mean—”

“Don’t,” she snapped angrily. “Don’t you dare defend him. He wasn’t blind to the dangers of his job. It doesn’t matter that he provided for his eventual death. No insurance policy is worth losing the only man I’ve loved.”

Closing my eyes, I shoved the box of lasagna away, suddenly unable to finish my dinner. “I know you miss him, Mom. I miss him too.”

“I’m tired, Remi.” She was slurring now, and her weak tone hinted she’d soon reach the next stage, where she passed out. “You coming home for Christmas? It’s been too long.”

She didn’t even remember our conversation. “I don’t know, Mom. I’ll try to get the days off. I promise.”

“You always were such a good girl.” She yawned, groaning. “My back hurts. I need to go lay down.”

“I’ll let you know about Christmas as soon as I find out,” I lied. “I love you, Mom.”

“You, too,” she mumbled before the line went dead.

I stared at my phone for a minute before opening the cabinet where I kept the wine. It was probably a red flag that I coped with alcohol, but I’d never had a problem stopping. Empty shelves taunted me. I hadn’t bothered to go shopping and restock.

The clock told me the store was still open for another hour, so I picked up my purse and keys and headed back out the door. I figured I might as well walk to the little place a couple blocks over, so I braced myself for the cold slap of the night air and sucked in a breath that felt like I was swallowing shards of ice. The hood of my coat wasn’t much protection from the blowing snow. I kept my eyes down for the short trek to the store, quickly selecting a couple of bottles of red and showing my ID to the cashier. He barely glanced at it before sliding it back to me and boredly telling me to swipe my card.

The streets were nearly empty, and nobody was walking with the incoming storm. The snow wasn’t likely to stick, but it would be enough to keep people warm in their homes. I clutched the bottles to my chest as I trekked home, deciding it would be another chick flick and cry night. That was every night for me since getting laid off from the Bureau.

When my phone rang, I groaned, afraid my mom was calling back. My mood lifted when I saw Selena’s name. I hurriedly swiped across the screen. “Hey, Selena! How have you been?”

“Bored without you around,” she said glumly. “We’re technically not supposed to have contact with you. Madden is being an ass. But how are you holding up after everything?”

“What did Madden tell everybody?” I asked, blowing out a long breath.

“He said you’d compromised the entire operation,” she said hesitantly. “It sounded too outrageous to be true.”

Shaking my head, I kicked at a bit of snow. “I slept with the target.”

“I knew it!” Selena sounded excited rather than disappointed. “How was it?”

“Seriously?” I couldn’t believe it. “I’ve been kicked out of the office, and you want to know whether the sex was good?”

“I mean, I figured it must have been to compromise an agent,” she answered flippantly. “How long are you out, anyway? Madden is keeping that close to the chest. He won’t even tell us if you’re coming back.”

Of course, because he was hoping I’d fuck it all up, and he’d get to fire me. It was like the man had it out for me, but it didn’t make sense. I still didn’t believe I’d truly compromised anything. “He told me a month, but there were caveats.”

“There always are,” Selena sighed. “So what are you going to do until then? I’d invite you to Christmas with my family, but if Madden found out, I’d probably be on the chopping block next. That man is some kind of jumpy lately.”

“I think I’m going to visit my mom.” It was plausible, and a part of me didn’t want to let on how miserable I was.

“Oh, that’s cool,” she said dismissively. “I just wanted to call and check in, but I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing.”

Walking in the snow so I can drown my sorrows. I couldn’t say that. “Yeah, thanks for touching base. I hope your holidays are great.”

“Yours, too. See ya, Remi.” Selena ended the call, and I resumed my walk, losing a little more of my confidence that everything would be okay in the end.

I couldn’t feel my nose when I reached my building, and my toes ached from the sudden warmth inside. The elderly woman in the elevator shot me a disapproving look, and I shrugged. Her judgment was the last of my concerns. I left her standing in the elevator with all of her pious superiority, shaking my head as I unlocked my door.

My chest seized, and my head shot up. Something was off. Everything looked as it had when I left—until I saw my dining table, where an entire bouquet of white peonies had joined the others. I could feel my heart pounding in my head as I slid the wine bottles onto the kitchen counter. Had I eaten that much lasagna? No. I’d pushed the container away, but only a few bites remained.

Somebody had been in my apartment. My fingers began to shake uncontrollably as I smelled it—leather and chemicals. It was familiar and used to offer comfort, but now it triggered a deep terror. Fear that Cosimo knew who I was and what I’d done because there was no other way he’d been in my apartment unless he’d learned the truth. Fear that his scent still caused my emotions and my blood to stir.

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