Page 82 of A Lesson In Beginning

We drove in comfortable silence at first, both of us simply enjoying one another’s presence as Samuel slept soundly in the backseat. The sky turned from golden to hues of orange and pink and finally to black as we drove home; the time passed slowly, and yet all too quickly for my liking. It was easy to be around Joel. Far too easy, perhaps.

We talked quietly, sharing each of our favorite moments from the day. I kept the truth to myself; seeing Joel with my child, seeing him guide Samuel through a tantrum with such ease, had undoubtedly been my favorite moment. Instead, I told him of the different exhibits, and lamented about how quickly the day of fun had passed.

We pulled into the driveway, the sky now fully pitch black. Joel opened my door like the gentleman he was before pulling Samuel from his car seat. Levi joined us in the driveway, already pulling the car seat from the backseat without having to be asked. Joel and I walked up to the front door in silence. I had thought he would hand Samuel over to me, but he refrained.

“It would be easier if I just carried him in. Is that alright with you?” He asked quietly, so as not to wake my sleeping child. Samuel draped over his shoulder in complete comfort. The sight of it touched my heart; a feeling that had been present since Joel had first arrived at the aquarium.

“Sure.” I led him into the house, and up the stairs to Samuel’s room. With great care, he laid Samuel down on the bed, tugging his sneakers off and setting them beside the bed before tucking him in. There was a momentary pause, Joel looking down at my child, brushing his hand over Samuel’s hair for just a moment before he tiptoed back out to the hallway where I stood, simply watching the exchange.

“Today was amazing.” His whispered words made me smile.

“That it was. Thank you for joining us, Joel. It was… incredible.” His fingers brushed a piece of my hair back behind my ear, his eyes roving over my face with an intensity that I could not quite place, yet my soul seemed to echo.

“Thank you for letting me.” My eyes were drawn to his full lips, wishing to kiss him. It felt fitting after a day like today. Before I could say another word, his hand cupped my cheek, leaning in for a kiss that was so simple, so tender, and almost chaste compared to our previous kisses. But it was perfect. Sweet and simple. A kiss of thanks, of gratitude, of something else entirely.

“Goodnight, Adah.” He whispered the words against my lips, his hesitation at the parting mirrored within me.

“Goodnight, Joel.” I whispered back, watching as he walked down the hall, down the stairs and out of sight. The sound of the door shutting signaled his leaving, and I turned, my back pressed against the wall. My hand covered my chest, trying to no avail to slow my thundering heartbeat.

That man was stirring something inside of me that I did not know how to handle.

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CHAPTER 23

“Adah, how are you —” Ruth asked, knocking softly as she opened my door. “Adah! Are you alright?”

I swiped at the errant tears that streaked down my face. The children were in bed, and I had already showered and readied myself for a night of much deserved sleep. Not that it would happen. Not with how I was feeling.

“I’m fine, Ruth. Thank you for a wonderful day today. It was really a beautiful outing.” I sniffled, grabbing a tissue from the bedside table and wiping at my nose.

“Adah, don’t brush me off. Please. You’re crying. Did something happen?” She sat down at the foot of my bed, her brow furrowed with worry.

“No. Nothing happened.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because everything happened. And nothing. I’m just confused.” Pathetically, my breath hitched on a sob. Ruth grabbed the box of tissues, setting it between us as she simply stayed silent, waiting with serene patience for me to be ready to speak. “Today was… difficult.”

“What was difficult about it?” There was no judgment or ridicule in her voice, only openness and willingness to hear me in that moment.

“Seeing Joel with Samuel was much harder than I expected.”

“Oh, Adah. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to force that on you, or push you too fast. We only thought it would be fun for you. We want to see you happy, and Joel seems to make you happy.”

“That’s just it. I shouldn’t be happy.”

“Why the hell not?” She scoffed with a short laugh.

“Because I am a married woman. I’m married, and cavorting with a man. A man I introduced to my son. My son, who has a father.”

“Adah, you and I both know it’s not that simple. You are divorced.”

“But am I? I mean, legally, yes. I know I’m divorced. But marriage is a covenant of God. Let no man tear asunder. That’s what the Reverend said on my wedding day. Yours, too. So, how can I be okay with what I am doing when I am going against God’s holy ordinance? How?”

“Do you really believe that?” She asked gently. I hung my head in shame and shrugged pitifully.

“I don’t know what I believe anymore.” Tears streamed down my face as I spoke, my chest tightening and making the words catch in my throat painfully.

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