Page 52 of A Lesson In Beginning

This time, my words were spoken softly, only to myself, as the realization hit. “I was wrong.”

“Yes, you were. And it’s okay.” Talia’s kindness fell on deaf ears as the weight of my cruelty nearly crushed me.

“Nothing about what I did was okay. Every woman in Zion had a million things to say about how I looked, how I dressed, how I served my husband, and how I parented my children.”

“And it was awful, wasn’t it?” Ruth’s voice had lost any notion of recrimination.

“It was. And yet I did the same to that poor woman, without a single thought. I just —”

“You just reacted, Adah. And that happens. It happened to each of us when we left.” Talia’s reassurance barely scratched the surface of my shame.

“You all went off on people like that? Somehow I doubt that.” I sat back down on the bench, head in my hands with the shame of my abhorrent behavior.

“No, it was much worse, actually. We, and I do mean all of us, had to handle it differently. Hell, Malachi and Eden are still half recluses who don’t go into town much, or socialize, because of all the trauma they are still dealing with. Gideon and Naomi got a boat and went out on the water for weeks at a time, staying away from everyone and just dealing with things. We’ve all had to adjust. And so do you. It’s a process.”

“It sounds much easier to do with someone else. I have no one else.”

“You have us. And you have Joel now, too. We’ll help you however we can.” Ruth slid her arm around my back, hugging me to her side. I rested my head on her shoulder, just as she used to do to me when we were young children and the weight of the world seemed to be upon us. Granted, back in those days, it was the thought of disappointing or angering Father, or the thought of becoming wives in our own right.

“It feels impossible at times.” Both of them chuckled knowingly at my begrudging admission. It was good to feel not so alone, but at the same time, I longed for the companionship they each had in their days after leaving Zion. Being alone to forge a path in this new world, with a son to raise, felt insurmountable on the best of days, and downright inconceivable on days like this.

“Let’s change the subject now. Let’s talk more about your yummy man, Dr. Joel!” Talia’s salaciousness was infectious. Ruth snickered in agreement, while I simply groaned.

“He is not my Dr. Joel. He’s a man who I am in negotiations with regarding learning about kink. Nothing more.”

“Sure, sure. Whatever you say.” Talia’s sarcasm was as thick as mud.

“Honestly, I don’t think it’ll last.”

“Why not?” Ruth asked, dubious.

“Because once he figures out how acerbic I can really be, he’ll run for the hills.” I shook my head with a groan, lamenting my pitiful situation.

“Oh, Adah, he won’t be like that. Just don’t be so cunty.” Ruth shrugged. I gasped at her outlandish language, but Talia cackled so loudly all the children turned to look at us.

“Ruth Temple, you did not just say that!” I scolded her under my breath, my eyes half on the children, mindful of their presence until they turned their attention back to their playtime.

“You should try it sometime, you know.” Ruth nudged my shoulder again with her own.

“Try what?”

“Cursing.”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Oh, come on! I dare you.” I turned to look at her with narrowed eyes.

“I do not want to play this game, Ruth.” I denied her adamantly.

“Oh yes, you do! If there’s one thing Adah Shepherd can’t say no to, it’s a dare.” There was a devilish gleam in her eyes as she baited me.

“Oh, that would be a delightful little tidbit to tell the hunky Dr. Joel!” Talia added with her own look of mischief.

“You wouldn’t dare!” I quickly turned my glare to the woman on my left.

“Wouldn’t I? Maybe you should do what Ruth said. I think that sounds reasonable. Don’t you, Ruth?”

“I believe that would suffice. We won’t tell Joel of your little proclivity towards dares if, and only if, you curse. Right now. Say it. Say cunty. Or cunt. Or cock. Or —”

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