Page 47 of A Lesson In Beginning

“I don’t think you’re being honest with me, Ms. Price.” He smirked as he said it. I wasn’t looking at him, but I knew that gently chiding tone well at this point, and could see that grin on his face without lifting my eyes. “I think you should tell me. Please?”

Squeezing my hand gently, he urged me to answer.

“I’m nervous that you only wanted to teach me — how did you put it? In a more strictly educational sense.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Why would I think any differently?” He took my hand in his, flipping it over until my palm was up, cradled by both of his larger ones. One single finger drew patterns over my palm, the touch so light and gentle it gave me a chill up my spine in the most pleasant way. Still, I would not answer; could not answer. The words stuck in my throat, choked by insecurity and nerves.

“Tell me, Adah. Why do you think I wouldn’t want a more physical experience with you?”

“I asked you first.” My cheeks flushed with embarrassment even as I spoke sternly, choosing the more comfortable aloofness over the brutal honesty he was so kindly asking for.

“That’s a fair point. I suppose I thought it obvious. I haven’t been able to keep my eyes off of you since that day you ran into me all those weeks ago. You remember? You ran smack dab into my chest, fleeing from the main floor into the kitchen like a bat out of hell. I had only barely met you, and yet the desire to protect and care for you was so strong, it was all I could do to not wrap you up in my arms and carry you away to safety.”

“Isn’t that what you did, though?”

“Yes, in a sense, it was. But that isn’t quite what I mean.”

“What do you mean, then?”

“I wanted to take you away from the club altogether. And I had no idea why. That feeling has only grown from there, but in completely different ways. We started working together, and I got to know you a little. Not quickly, mind you. Hell, I still know very little about you. You tend to be a bit prickly. Like a cactus.” He smiled, but I nearly gasped at his words.

“I’m not a cactus.” I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

“You are. But in a quite intriguing way.”

“I’m not a cactus.” I shot him a look, my tone more firm, though I knew he was only teasing.

“Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps it’s more like you’re a warrior.”

“Your analogies about me are all wrong. I’m no warrior. I’m quite weak, if you really knew me.”

“Oh, I think I know you better than you realize. You don’t see yourself very clearly. While I may not know every detail about you, I know the deeper truth of Adah Price. I know you are strong beyond measure. You are a fierce protector, and you don’t back down from who you are or what your boundaries are. Do you know how rare that is to find in the kink community?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that there are so many women who get involved in kink, and they dive in head first, without thought. It’s called sub frenzy. They get intrigued and excited and want to experience every single thing immediately. But not you. You are cautious, careful, and calculated.”

“Calculated doesn’t sound very positive.”

“Let me rephrase. You are strategic. You think before you act. And that’s a trait that I respect more than I could possibly express.”

“I had to learn very young how to think before I acted; how to avoid situations that would hurt me.”

“You were hurt badly, weren’t you?” At first I could only nod as memories tightened around my throat like a vice. But Joel didn’t push me to respond right away. He gave me time to think, time to answer, without filling the silence with unnecessary and unhelpful words. Eventually, I found the words to explain what I was feeling.

“My past is something I regret. Something I wish I didn’t carry with me into every situation. But how do I just drop everything I’ve ever been? How do I just become a different person? It’s not magic. There’s no puff of smoke, and a new Adah suddenly appears. It feels impossible at times. And yet, it’s the only truth I know. So I move cautiously, to learn safely. And it’s not only me I have to think about.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have a son.”

“You do?”

“Yes. Is that a problem?” My eyes narrowed, my tone automatically turning sour and snarky without a thought.

“Not at all. I’m honestly quite ravenous for information about you. But I’ve tried to keep things easy and light, not wanting to burden you with a barrage of questions.”

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