Page 43 of A Lesson In Beginning

“It wasn’t easy at first, and I’m not saying that I feel completely at ease with the man, but it has been a far more pleasant experience; enough that I could truly start to understand what happens there.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Adah. What can we help you with?” Levi’s serene acceptance and earnest desire to be of help was all the reassurance I needed — well, that, and the fact that Ruth was at least curbing her desire to interject under Levi’s unspoken command. I was not a fool and knew exactly what that tone and that hand signal had meant.

“Joel has made me an offer, and while I have accepted —”

“You did what?!” The shrill tonality of Ruth’s shriek made my ears ache. Before I could answer her, Levi snapped his fingers, pulling her attention in a way they have never shown in front of me before.

“Beloved. Warning.” His tone, clipped and sharp, held no room for question or rebuttal. I felt my own spine stiffen in response, though I quickly reminded myself that he was not the violent man my husband had been. I almost missed the barely whispered “Yes, Sir,” that slipped past her lips in dutiful response. “Continue, Adah.”

“Joel has proposed teaching me about kink. As much as I would love to learn from the two of you, it is just altogether too uncomfortable for me. I have accepted, having thought about it more than a few times over the course of the past weeks, as I’ve gotten to know him better. That being said, I want to make sure that I’m being safe and doing things right. So, I suppose what I am asking you is what do I do from here? What are the dos, the don’ts, and the important things for me to know before beginning such an endeavor?”

“The first thing I’d like to say is that I’m proud of you for coming to us before entering into anything with Joel. That being said, I know Joel, and have for quite a while. He was one of the first people I met in the Portland scene, and is a safe person for you to be around and learn from. It’s one reason I felt you’d be safe working in the kitchen. He’s a good man, with a solid and safe kink education under his belt. Second, do you feel comfortable explaining what ‘learning from Joel’ means for the two of you, exactly?”

Taking a moment to consider his words, I realized I did not, in fact, have a clear idea of what all that entailed.

“We haven’t discussed it yet. We plan to soon, but really it was a simple offer to teach me and after what I’ve seen and the questions I have, I said yes. So what do I do now?”

“This is one of the most important pieces of the process: negotiating. It’s important that you take some time to figure out what exactly you’re wanting to learn, how you want to learn, and what you are and are not okay with.” Calm and much less frazzled, Ruth began to explain exactly what came next.

Over the next hour, she and Levi helped me to figure out what it was I was looking for, and what I was okay with. Levi kept the conversation as clinical as possible, allowing me the privacy I yearned for. He provided me with a pen and paper to take down notes.

By the time we had finished the conversation — and four cups of coffee for myself — I realized that this was just the beginning of the questions I would need answered. There were questions about communication, safety, and both physical and emotional stability to think about. In the end, I had multiple pages of questions to not only ask Joel, but to ask of myself before even speaking with him.

“I want to stress to you, Adah, before we conclude, the importance of setting boundaries. There is no time limit, no specific pace or course you must follow. Simply be true to what you are comfortable with and be upfront about it. Communication is key to this. If you should need help navigating the conversation with Joel, I would be happy to assist.” Levi reached across the table, placing his hand over mine, pen still in my hand, in a moment of physical comfort we had never shared.

“Thank you for caring so much, Levi. I appreciate it. I appreciate both of you.” I smiled at the two; my family. There was a renewed sense of hope and excitement. I was ready to tackle the list and talk to Joel as soon as possible. Which led me directly to my next question.

“There is one more thing I’d like to discuss. And I’m not sure why this is even harder than the conversation we just had.”

“Whatever it is, we’re here for you.” Ruth reached her hand out to me. Levi had removed his hand and so I reached across to meet her, holding her hand and taking the courage and comfort she offered.

“I have been saving money from my checks, and I would like to get a phone. After talking with Talia, she said the easiest solution would be to be added to your plan, and I could pay for my portion. She said it would save me quite a bit of money this way, and I wanted to speak to the both of you about it. I just hope that you don’t find my request too forward or greedy.” Flushing with embarrassment, I hid my head, awaiting their decision.

“I think that’s a perfect plan. Honestly, I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. Let’s capitalize on this child-free afternoon, take a drive into town, and get it set up.” Levi shot me a smile that could have lit up an entire room, assuaging my guilt and nerves.

And once I had the phone, I would get a hold of Joel. I did not think I could wait until the next night we worked together to tell him I was ready to negotiate. And I was ready. So, very, very ready.

CHAPTER 15

“Chris! Order for Chris!” The shouting of the baristas behind the counter at the little coffee shop made my spine stiffen with anxiety. Or perhaps it was the undulating, bustling crowds that continued to ebb and flow unceasingly. The need for expedited coffee seemed to be a much more important thing to the world here than I had previously realized. To me, coffee was something to be sipped slowly in the mornings. Something to be enjoyed. To these people, it seemed no different from putting gas in a car; just something that had to be consumed in order to function.

“Jennifer!”

“Order for Stacy!”

“Hey, this isn’t a nonfat triple shot blonde latte with cinnamon. Fix it!”

My fingers tapped nervously against the tabletop. I had thought of getting myself a coffee before Joel arrived, but the speed at which everyone moved was simply too overwhelming for me to tackle, on top of everything else I was about to handle.

“Adah! Hi!” Joel’s voice pulled me from my anxious musings. I turned, that wide smirk on his face calming my nerves in an instant. The screech of my chair sliding against the floor as I pushed it back to stand grated against my ears, making me cringe. Moving to greet him, I realized I had no idea what was considered polite in this situation. Should I shake his hand? Hug him?

Kiss him?

No, that last one was a bad idea. But how did one greet another when sitting down to negotiate such intimate things?

Thankfully, I didn’t have to decide. As soon as he was through the few people crowded between where we stood, his grin grew and he held his arms out for a hug. It wasn’t a demand, just a casual invitation that I found incredibly welcoming in the situation. I accepted that invitation, and his arms wrapped around me in a bear hug that felt at once comforting and slightly awkward, in equal measure.

“It’s good to see you.” His breath tickled my ear as he whispered the greeting into my hair. A shiver ran down my spine, and my arms wrapped around him, though less enthusiastically than his arms were around me. I was still getting used to such casual forms of intimacy among friends, but I was trying.

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