Page 39 of A Lesson In Beginning

“Thank you, Trixie. I decided it was time to update my wardrobe a little. Though this is the only item like this I own. I was a little worried you thought it was horrendous.” I laughed off my embarrassment and Trixie was quick to shut down any misgivings I may have had.

“Are you kidding, girl? You look positively sinful!” Her squeak of delight was enough to tell me that looking sinful was a good thing here. Joel, on the other hand, still stood there — completely silent. “Okay, I’ve gotta run before Daddy comes after me and I end up with my nose in a corner — again.”

She shook her head in mock dismay, dancing her way out of the room, as was her preferred mode of transportation it would seem. I walked over to the schedule on the wall, looking to see where I needed to begin with my tasks.

Still, Joel said nothing. Not one single word.

“It looks like you and Trixie got a lot done already this evening. If it’s alright with you, I’ll get started on baking for the crowd tomorrow night, unless you’d like me to start on the dishes first.” My voice wobbled slightly under his still silently scrutinizing gaze, my hands reaching for the apron that was now hanging on the wall for me. I was happy that Levi had allowed me to have one here. Flour all over a dress this nice would be simply sacrilegious.

I waited a moment for his response, which did not come. So, with a shrug, I set to work on the baking. I had just pulled the items onto the counter for me to begin measuring out when he finally broke his silence.

“Not needed.” He mumbled out, quickly joining me at the counter. He stood on the other side, facing me, as he quickly started gathering the items and putting them back in the cabinet.

“But we will need more for tomorrow night.” I didn’t want to argue with him, but more than that, I refused to be reprimanded for failing to accomplish my tasks at the end of the night. I did not need a single reason for Levi to question his decision to give me a position here.

“Er, right. Um. Hold that thought. Will you wait here? Please?” His eyes, vibrantly blue tonight, pled with me, urging me to understand some unspoken thing he was trying to convey. I shrugged and nodded my head. That seemed to be all he needed as he nearly ran out of the back door of the kitchen, leaving me alone.

I had little time to feel uncomfortable with the stark contrast of being alone here at The Temple before Joel was hurrying back in through the door, looking just as flustered as he had when he left.

“Alright, I just spoke with Zeke. Managed to catch him in the hallway. He’s going to talk to Bash and assign a few helpers to man the tables in here for a little while.” He was fidgeting, nervous in a way I had never seen him before.

“You don’t want me working in here tonight? I’m on the schedule so I—”

“No! No, no, it’s not that at all. I just, if it’s alright with you, I’d like to do something a little different. Just for a little while, if you’re willing.”

“Um, sure. But, I do need to work. I depend on the paychecks and—”

“You’ll still be paid for working tonight. I promise. I handled it. Just… um, trust me.” He held his hand out to me, urging me to go with him. There was something in the pleading, almost puppy-like gaze that had me reaching my hand out and taking his.

Without a word, he led me out of the kitchen, two men passing us as they took our place. A moment later, I realized where we were going. He led me up the back stairs, and further, past the main offices, until we arrived at the door to the rooftop garden.

“Did I do something wrong, Joel?” Nerves were getting the better of me as we both took our seats at the table we preferred.

“God no. I wanted to say you look incredible in that dress.” His eyes flitted down my body for a brief moment — but I caught it.

“Oh, and you needed to bring me to the roof to say that?” I managed a passably sassy smirk, although inside I was riddled with nerves.

“No. I um… shit. I’m saying this all wrong.” He muttered almost to himself, his own nerves obviously getting the better of him. “What I’m trying to say is that I apologize for fumbling that moment downstairs. You took your jacket off and turned around and…”

Once again, his eyes ran over my body, my cheeks coloring in response to his own heated gaze.

“I turned around and…”

“And I should have responded, but I was a little gobsmacked, to be honest.” He chuckled nervously, helping to give the moment some levity. At least we were on equal footing in the nerves department.

“Gobsmacked?” I realized I was repeating his words, not a very polite thing to do.

“Yes. You look stunning, Adah. The dress looks as though it were made for you. It brings out the gold flecks in your eyes.” His eyes locked onto mine with an intensity that stole the breath from my lungs.

“Oh! Well, um, thank you, Joel. I’m glad you like it. Though I still don’t see why we needed to come to the roof for you to say that.”

“We didn’t. I wanted to come to the roof for some privacy. I was hoping we could talk a little about last night. About your thoughts on watching the scene.” My heart sank even as my stomach jumped up into my throat at his request; an odd combination of feelings, to say the least. I most definitely did not want to talk about how watching the scene made me feel in the moment, much less how it had made me feel later that evening in my bedroom. No, I most certainly did not want to talk about that.

“Ah. That. Well, I didn’t run screaming from the room this time, so I feel it went much better than before.” I was making jokes, trying to make light of the situation.

“Adah, I want to explain something. It’s incredibly important to have good communication. Now, while we are not in a dynamic, nor have we even discussed one, I did take you out onto the floor last night to see something you’d never seen, never experienced. To me, taking on the responsibility of your care and safety in that situation is of the utmost importance. It’s not something I take lightly. So, I wanted to take a moment to discuss your thoughts, answer any questions you may have, and just check in with your overall wellbeing in the aftermath.”

His blatant honesty and outright concern for my wellbeing was probably the most surprising thing I had encountered in all my time since arriving in Portland. I had no idea how to respond to such care. Words utterly failed me.

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