Page 37 of A Lesson In Beginning

“No, nothing bad. Joel said someone rented the club out last night, so there were far fewer patrons than normal. It was easier to go out onto the floor and see things. Goodness, this is harder to talk about than I had expected.”

“Did you feel uncomfortable walking around and seeing things?” There was no judgment in her voice, but it was difficult to discuss all the same.

“Yes, but not as much as that first night. He took me to watch a scene. It was intense, with the woman being pleasured over and over and over.”

“Joel would do that, wouldn’t he?” Rolling her eyes, she chuckled lightly at a joke only she was privy to.

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“It’s nothing. Go on. What did you think about the scene?”

“It was interesting, though somewhat confusing. I’ve found that since I watched it, I have so many questions.” Her hand, having returned to her own lap, gave me free range to fidget to my heart’s content, easing the awkwardness of the moment — somewhat.

“What questions do you have? There are so many things to learn in BDSM, it’s hard to even know where to start. I’m still learning. Hell, even Levi and the boys are still learning, and they have years on me. The most important thing is to ask questions and learn. So I’m all ears!” Nearly bouncing in her seat, her over-excitement did not make it any easier to discuss the matter at hand.

“Well, I suppose I’m wondering if it’s like that for everyone in the kink world.” I began, flustered and fumbling over my words.

“Like what exactly?”

“Like… that.”

“I don’t know what you mean, Adah. You’ll have to be more specific.” I groaned, putting my head in my hands, my elbows propped up on my knees as I flushed with embarrassment.

“Goodness and gracious be. This is impossible.” The words became nearly unintelligible as I spoke rhetorically into my hands.

“There is no reason to be embarrassed. I promise you. Just take a deep breath, and be specific about what you saw and what your questions are. I’ll answer anything you wish to know. Anything at all.” Her adamant tone was nearly suffocating in its insistence, but I did my best to persevere through the discomfort.

“Is it always so intense? With the guy. And the girl… and the things… and…” I trailed off, hopelessness filling me past the point of being able to continue the discombobulated sentiment.

“Intensity can vary from act to act, from couple to couple, and even from person to person. The point is to enjoy what you’re doing, and to be safe. So, no, it’s not always like that, but it often is.” She explained easily. My nerves eased. Perhaps this wouldn’t be as bad as I had thought.

“But the way he was with her. So unrelenting, so forceful.”

“That’s quite common, but it all depends on the dynamic. Was it a forced orgasm scene? I believe I heard Levi talking about Dimitri doing something of that nature last night. Or at least that was what they had planned, though I could be completely wrong.” She said the last bit in a musing tone, almost to herself. Hearing my sister talk about orgasms shot me right back to the afternoon, weeks prior, when she had discussed the birds and the bees with me, much to my utter mortification. This conversation was shaping up to be quite similar, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

“I just am wondering what the point of it all is. Why would he push her to endure such things?” I felt more frustrated by the moment. Trying to make sense of what I saw, the arousal I felt, and then talking to my sister about it all, had me decidedly uncomfortable, to say the least.

“Well, Adah, it’s about mutual desires. Two people negotiate what they wish to try, what the goal of the scene is, and many other things before entering into the actual scene.”

“Is that what it’s always like? Talking everything down to the last detail before each and every thing?” There was something about her explanation that felt decidedly methodical and not at all romantic, as I had somehow envisioned it would be. Perhaps the kink world was devoid of romance. That wouldn’t be surprising. All I knew of men, of love, and especially of sex, seemed to have little to do with romance. Was that a notion that young girls only dream of, something they fantasize about to make marital life more palatable? If so, the lies we tell ourselves as young girls are better left unsaid and replaced by the harsh truth in order to better prepare for the stark realities that do exist. Fairytales are better left for bedtime stories, it would seem.

“No, it’s not always like that, but it often is. In the beginning, it’s important to negotiate these things each and every time. Though, as a couple grows together, you learn to read one another better, and you learn each other’s limits. So. some things don’t have to be discussed every time. But it’s all about finding what you’re both comfortable with.”

“Thank you, Ruth.” I stood abruptly, ready for the conversation to end.

“Wait, did you have more questions?” She seemed almost disappointed at the lack of questioning I provided her with.

“That’s all for today. Thank you, though. I truly appreciate all you and Levi are doing for me.” I gave her a small smile before heading back upstairs in search of Samuel. It was a lie. I had more questions than I could possibly number, but discussing such things with my sister felt wrong — too wrong for me to continue. I wasn’t sure how I would go about obtaining the answers to the questions I sought, but perhaps spending some much needed time with my son would clear my head.

I definitely didn’t remind myself of Joel’s offer to teach me anything I’d like to learn.

I definitely did not do that.

CHAPTER 13

“Thanks for giving me a ride tonight.” I sat in the back of the black SUV, Talia and Ezekiel in the front seat, holding hands over the center console in a gesture I found quite adorable for a married couple. He lifted her hand every so often, placing a kiss on the back of it without taking his eyes from the road once.

“It’s no problem at all, Adah. It only made sense, since Ruth and Levi are staying home tonight and we are both going to the club, anyway.” Talia’s easy friendship had been something I had held dear over the past weeks. Her acceptance of me into the family, while echoed by everyone involved, had felt more genuine than the others. It wasn’t that the others were callous or disingenuous. There was simply something that connected Talia and me uniquely. It was much easier to talk with her than it was any of the other Temples.

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