Page 23 of A Lesson In Beginning

With eyes screwed tightly shut, I gave myself over to the sleep that had plagued me so in the last few nights. Tomorrow I would go back to work, and it would be a better day. Of that, I was certain.

* * *

“Adah, you just have to let me give you a makeover.” Trixie nearly pranced around me as she looked me over from head to toe, her incessant pleading already showing that tonight was going to be a bit of a struggle. “I swear, I am so good at them. The absolute best.”

“I appreciate the offer, but I find my appearance to be altogether satisfactory.” I gave her the bit of a smile I could muster, feeling embarrassed under such scrutiny, but my words seemed to fall on deaf ears.

“I simply will not take no for an answer.” She crossed her arms over her chest, her pointed chin tilted up, the perfect picture of utter defiance. I had never seen such petulance from a child over the age of ten, and certainly never from a fully grown woman.

“Is Trixie being a brat again?” Using all the willpower I possessed, I pretended earnestly that the sound of Joel’s voice did not make my stomach flip around like a fish upon dry land.

“I resemble that remark, Joelsky.” Trixie scrunched her nose in the most adorable fashion and shot him a look.

“Like I said.” Joel chuckled lightly, and though I did not turn to face him, I could hear him walking towards me; could almost feel his presence growing nearer. I was becoming acutely aware of that presence. Of course, that was only because I was taught from such a young age to be acutely aware of my surroundings and the space I inhabited, making myself as small and as little of a burden as possible. At least — that’s what I told myself.

“But, to answer your question, no, I am not being a brat. On the contrary, I’m convincing our dear Adah here that she simply must let me give her a makeover.” Trixie’s whining rivaled that of even my three-year-old.

“A makeover?” Joel sounded far more interested than I had expected, and I willed the slight flush that heated my cheeks to disappear quickly.

“Yes! Can’t you just see it?” Trixie took me by the arm and spun me around to face Joel so quickly that my feet nearly tangled in the loose fabric of my skirt. I only barely managed to keep myself upright, and my eyes quickly glanced to the floor with the threat of an impending fall, only to rise to meet his deep sapphire eyes. “Just think, Joel! Our beautiful Adah here, sans loose peasant skirts and overmodest top.”

Trixie’s words halted as she thought up an outfit she felt was most befitting a person such as myself. My eyes lowered from Joel’s unrelenting stare, but just as they found the floor, I heard the faint sound of his voice, whispering to himself.

“Oh, I can imagine exactly that.”

My eyes popped back up to his in shock. That grin of his lifted the corners of his mouth and he threw me a wink that left me gobsmacked, stunned to silence as Trixie prattled off about some outfit that I barely comprehended. It took a solid ten seconds for a bit of what she was saying to pierce through the fog that had enveloped my mind at Joel’s words.

“Wait a moment. Did you just say latex?” I turned around, pulling away from Trixie with a shocked expression. Surely I had not heard her correctly.

“Yes! You, in a latex bodysuit, with a pair of fishnet stockings. Your hair piled up on top of your head in one of those strict, secretary-like top knots. Maybe add a pair of glasses for good measure?”

“But I don’t wear glasses.” The vision Trixie was dreaming up completely boggled my mind.

“We’ll get you fake ones! Trust me, Adah, you’ll have all the boys drooling after you! Just you wait and see!”

“Some of us already are.” There it was again. That low timbre of Joel’s whispered voice. Surely I had not heard him correctly either. Perhaps I needed to be checked out for some kind of temporary hearing loss.

“Babygirl! What on Earth are you doing in here?”

Everything stopped. The sound of blood rushed through my ears as my heart raced, and my feet longing to follow, to flee from this room, away from that tone. Yet I remained unmoving, unable to shift even a mere inch; unable to do more than breathe in shallow, near hyperventilating breaths.

“I was just hanging out with my new friend Adah, Daddy! Come and meet her! Oh, please come meet her, Daddy!”

I had no idea what was going on around me; the world seemed to tilt on its axis for a moment as my eyes fixated on the bear of a man taking up nearly the entire doorway as he towered over Trixie’s small form. His looming, domineering presence took what little breath I had left, and fear prickled up my spine in echinate stabs, piercing to the very core of my being.

A second later, or perhaps minutes — time was a nonentity — the sight of the towering man and the tiny pixie-like girl disappeared behind a deep maroon shirt covering a broad chest.

“I’m sure he can meet Adah later, Trixie. We need to get to work.” His voice was different. Sharper, firmer, and unyielding. My eyes danced back and forth from side to side, attempting to find something — anything — that would ground me from the panic that flooded and invaded every fiber of my being.

A moment later, the door shut with an echoing thud.

“Eyes here.” With the sharp sound of a snap, he held my gaze there at the tips of his fingers, slowly pointing up to his own eyes, silently instructing me to follow his direction. And without thought, I did.

My eyes met his. Fear lanced through me, worried that I would find that same harsh demand of obedience in his eyes, but all I was met with was a calm concern etched over his face in the form of a furrowed brow.

“Follow my breathing.” I felt, more than saw, his deep inhalation, followed by a slow exhale. “With me.”

I nodded slowly, taking a breath in, and then out, following the rhythm he set. His hands wrapped around my upper arms, holding me steady as I slowly regained control of my faculties once more.

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