Page 11 of A Lesson In Beginning

Sexual practices? Play? Power dynamics?

“What my husband is trying to say is that it is a club for people who like to control others, or be controlled by others, often sexually.” Ruth continued explaining kindly, and suddenly things began to click together in my mind.

Outraged, I shoved my seat back and stood, gasping at both of them.

“You… and he… and is that why you were wearing a dog collar the day we arrived? Really, Ruth!? A dog collar!?” I was shouting, but I could not control the absolute disgust that curdled in my stomach like sour milk. “God in heaven help us, a DOG COLLAR!”

“Please lower your voice.” Leviticus stood from the table as he spoke, mirroring my stance. But his tone — his tone — I had heard that tone used by many men in Zion, though not quite like that. It was curt, commanding, and demanded attention and obedience. But unlike the way both my father and my husband had lashed out at me, there was an air of something different to it; something I could not name.

“I will not lower my voice! You think it’s okay to put a dog collar — a DOG COLLAR — on my sister, as though she is nothing but mere property to you? How dare you think you have —”

“But I am his property.” Ruth’s voice sounded, pulling me from the tongue lashing I was only just settling into against my brother-in-law.

“Ruth. Ruth, you cannot believe that you are nothing more than —”

“You see, that’s where you are wrong, Adah. Please, let us explain.” Ruth’s words were kind and calm, something I just could not find in me at that moment.

“I don’t think I need any explanation. Ruth, I know we were raised to think we were nothing without our father or our husbands, but please hear me when I say that —”

“No, Adah. No.” Ruth’s voice raised, her tone sharp and commanding, just as Leviticus’ had been. I waited with bated breath to see what he would do. No man would suffer his wife to speak in such a way. Fear gripped me like a knife as I waited for his hand to fly, to slap her across the face in retaliation for her insubordination. My cheek tingled with the memory of the slaps I had received for my own wicked tongue.

“You have a short temper and require an even shorter leash, Adah. I will not suffer my wife to be so insolent and disobedient.” Josiah’s voice rang in my mind, the fear buzzing just beneath the surface of my skin as the memory took on physical form.

I had half a mind to rush around the table, to stand between the two of them, to protect my sister. What happened next left me speechless.

His hand raised, sure as I had thought, but he lifted it towards my sister in kindness, in grace, and simply cupped her cheek, his thumb brushing over the apple of her cheekbone with loving tenderness — something I had never felt.

I found myself nearly unable to breathe. The moment was so unbelievably tender. He nodded at her with a smile that spoke of nothing but love and allowed her to continue.

“Adah, I belong to Levi, and he belongs to me. We entered into a dynamic, a power exchange between the two of us. It is built of trust and love and equal consent.” Ruth’s words jumbled in my mind as though she were speaking an entirely esoteric language that only the two of them were fluent in.

“The two of us talked at length about this, at the beginning of our marriage. It is something that is important to my life, and once I explained it to Ruth, she felt the same pull to this lifestyle.” Leviticus’ hand dropped from Ruth’s face as he took his seat once again, but his hand found hers atop the table, wrapping around it in a protective and loving gesture, not at all the domineering and controlling touch I had become accustomed to in my life.

“We both set our own boundaries. We set limits and made agreements together, as equals. Because that is what we are, equals in this marriage, equals in this dynamic, though the power does shift when we are in that space together. I give Levi my devotion and my obedience, and in return he gives me his protection, his love, and he guides me through life in a way we both agree to. But I tell you now, in all earnestness, it is nothing like how Zion worked. We were all fed lie upon lie. And this life? This life outside of Zion is something beautiful. And it can be for you, too.”

I stayed quiet, taking my seat as I tried to understand.

“And you’re happy?” I asked quietly, not trusting my voice.

“Beyond happy. Levi would never hurt me, he would never harm me or do anything I did not also wish. The BDSM community is built on trust, communication, and consent. All parties must consent and agree. There is nothing forced. That is not how things work. I can promise you that.” Ruth’s words washed over me as the tiniest bit of understanding began to dawn.

“And you opened a club geared towards these things? These… sexual power dynamics?”

“Well, we haven’t yet. It’s set to open next week, as it stands. But the answer to your question is yes. So you can see why it may not be the most suitable place for you to work.” Leviticus laughed awkwardly, running a hand through his hair.

I took a moment to think about what they had told me. A club where adults went to engage in sexual and non-sexual acts.

“It sounds devious. The devil’s work.” I muttered the words more to myself than to them, though that didn’t stop Leviticus from responding, regardless.

“I can assure you, it is not the devil’s work. Things are quite different outside of Zion. But I feel you would be uncomfortable in such a place.” He offered me a kind smile, but I was not about to accept that. If these two — and obviously his brothers and their wives — could handle such a place, why should I be any different?

Pride and ego took over as I squared my shoulders yet again that evening.

“I see no reason why I should not work in such a place, if you all are comfortable working there. Why should I be any different? If you could find me a position there, I would be happy to accept the offer of employment.” I knew my haughty attitude was unbecoming, but all I could think of at that moment was Samuel. He needed stability and had no father to give him that. So it was up to me to take on the mantle of both mother and father, and provide him with the life he deserved. If that meant I had to work in a club like that, so be it. For Samuel, it was worth it. For Samuel, there was no cost too high to bear.

I may not have known much of the real world under these circumstances, but I knew what it was to persevere under the direst of circumstances. And regardless of the learning I would have to do in this new world, I would persevere. And we would survive.

CHAPTER 5

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