Page 83 of A Lesson In Beginning

“What happened today to bring all this up inside you?”

“Seeing Joel with Samuel. Josiah is his father, though he’s lost all rights to him legally. But even before, even back when Samuel was first born — Josiah was a proud father for all of about two seconds, just enough time to show off to the Elders that he had a son to carry on his name. Then it stopped. He was mean — cruel, even. But Joel? Joel…” I trailed off as the tears ran down my cheeks anew.

“Joel treated your son with kindness.” Understanding shone through every word.

“It’s one thing to deal with Joel treating me so kindly, and even that isn’t easy. But seeing him with Samuel? Seeing their easy interactions? Hell, Ruth! He didn’t even bat an eyelash when Samuel threw a fit!”

“All kids throw fits, Adah.”

“I know that. But he didn’t yell, or scold, or even walk away. He could have. He could have, but he didn’t.”

“Joel is a good man.” She wasn’t saying anything I didn’t already know. But the sentence that hung between us, unspoken, was as loud and as undeniable as thunder in the silence.

“But Josiah Price is not. He is not a good man. He was not a good husband. And he was not a good father.” I finished for her.

“No, he was not. And you and Samuel both deserved better. You still do, you know.” I nodded, unable to push words past the painful lump of emotions caught in my throat. “Take all the time you need, but please realize that you deserve everything good in this world. And it’s there for you to take, should you wish to. Even if it’s not with Joel in the end. You can find happiness, and you deserve it.”

“Thank you.” My words rasped painfully, stinging and raw.

“I love you, sister.” She stood from the bed, her hand brushing my shoulder in comfort as she left me to my thoughts. Thoughts I wasn’t sure I was ready to face.

* * *

“God, I’ve missed you.” Joel’s words fanned over my lips, neither one of us wanting to part for longer than we had to.

“I’ve missed this, too.” I muttered back softly.

“I’m sorry it’s been so long.” His forehead touched mine for a moment before we parted. He slipped my purse from my shoulder, setting it on the table and leading me into his home, to the sofa.

“Don’t be sorry, Joel. You had work, and that is important.”

“I know, but not getting this time with you? Not even being able to work with you at the club? It was torture for me.” As soon as we were situated on the couch, he pulled me in closer, as though being apart from me by more than a few inches was simply unacceptable. “What’s worse is that I’ll be gone again in a few days.”

“Spending Thanksgiving with your family is important.” The gentle reminder needn’t have been spoken between us, and I felt neither of us truly believed it. Being apart had proven to be harder than either of us had imagined. The thought of him leaving for another week felt horrible, the pang of pain making my chest tighten at just the thought.

“Once I get back from Missouri, I’ll be all yours again.” The sentiment struck me, my chest tightening at the thought of him being all mine. I quickly brushed it aside.

“I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone from Missouri.”

“Kansas City is a nice place, though I prefer Portland. The weather is better, and the people are pretty great, too.”

“What brought you to Portland?”

“I did my residency here after med school. I liked it so much, I stayed. Simple as that.” His fingers brushed up and down my arm. “I have half a mind to push off Thanksgiving this year, and just stay.”

“You need to see your family, Joel. Family is important.”

“You’re right. And I know you’re right. So let’s make the most of tonight.” He turned, cupping my cheek and turning me to face him. His lips found mine, slow and sweet. “Come with me.”

Standing, he offered me his hand, pulling me up to him and leading me up the stairs towards his bedroom. The rain had just begun to sprinkle when I arrived. Now it was pouring, the sounds of rain pelting against the glass walls like little pings, orchestrating a beautiful, melodic background to the scene we were both anxious and ready for.

“Tonight, I want to talk for a moment before we begin. We discussed making things more official after our last scene. Unfortunately, the hospital pulled me away so much over these last weeks, we never got the chance to really talk about it. Is it still something you’re wanting?” We stood at the foot of his bed, his hands playing with the ends of my hair. I’d worn it loose, letting it tumble around my shoulders as he seemed to prefer.

“I do, Joel.”

“Good. I do, too. Now, I want to have a more in-depth conversation about it when I return from Kansas City, but for now, how would you feel about using honorifics?” I searched my mind, trying to remember the details about honorifics that Ruth had told me about, and that I had picked up on working at the club.

“I would like that. Did you have any in mind?” I didn’t want to be presumptuous, but the thought of calling him by a specific name, one that was only for me to use, had those butterflies in my stomach swarming and swirling around in a frenzy.

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