Page 15 of A Lesson In Beginning

“Why is my mouth so dry?” I asked rhetorically, though he still answered with a chuckle.

“Because you were nearly hyperventilating as I brought you up here.”

“Where is here? Where is my family?” I eyed the door behind him, worried for my safety. He noticed immediately and shifted slightly further away from me.

“I promise you are safe here with me. Your family will probably come to look for you shortly, but when you blew through the kitchen door, nearly knocking me down in fear — how was I supposed to not help you?” His affable grin helped to soothe my anxiety, if only by a little. “Did something happen? Did someone touch you?”

His brow furrowed as his worry became clear.

“You don’t even know me. Why are you worried about me?” I glossed over his own questions with those of my own, my brain struggling to connect the dots of what all was happening.

Just then, the door burst open, Ruth rushing into the room, followed closely by Leviticus, Ollie, and Delilah.

“Oh my God, Adah! There you are!” Ruth rushed to my side, nearly knocking Joel out of the way as her eyes ran over my form with worry. “Are you alright?”

“I’ll leave you all to it. I’m glad you’re safe, Adah.” Joel gave me a smile and a quick nod before vacating the room, leaving me alone with my family.

“What happened? You were there one minute, and then you just bolted. Please talk to me. I’m here.” Ruth’s worry surprised me. I don’t know why, but I had truly believed her previous concern to be perfunctory at best. But seeing how devout she was in her care for me in the aftermath of my mad flight had me rethinking my previous assumptions about my sister. Her worry was not the pretense I had originally thought.

I looked around at where the rest of them stood, hovering over us and waiting for my answer. Ruth noticed my gaze.

“Levi, could you guys give us the room? I’d like to talk to my sister alone.” Leviticus hesitated for a moment, his stern countenance unwavering, but he finally nodded and led the other two out of the room, giving us the space Ruth requested. Only when the door shut firmly behind them did she speak again.

“Okay, do you want to tell me what happened?” She pulled up the chair beside me until we were facing one another.

“I don’t know why I ran off with that man. That was a very dangerous idea. I wasn’t thinking.” I fiddled with my hands in my lap, unconsciously fidgeting under the discomfort of my decisions.

“Joel? Joel is absolutely safe. And from what little I heard, it sounded like you were in distress and he was only trying to get you away from the main floor and to a place where you could feel safe.” I nodded as she spoke, realizing the truth of her words.

“It was still unacceptable to run off with a stranger like that.”

“I understand your concern, but you are safe with him, I promise. Can you tell me what made you run?”

“That thing… what I watched. That couple. The way he spoke to her, the way he treated her.” My eyes remained unfocused, staring at the ground between us as I thought back to it. “I don’t understand why he would do that to her.”

“I’m so sorry it upset you, Adah. I promise you, it was not a bad thing. It is something both he and she wanted and agreed to before they ever set foot on the playroom floor.”

“I don’t understand. Why would she agree to that? Why would she subject herself to that? I mean, I know why, maybe.” I was rambling, but I could not seem to stop myself.

“Why do you think she agreed to it?” Ruth asked me honestly. I didn’t even have to think about my response.

“She was required to. Just as we were on our wedding night.” I barely whispered the words, but still they fell from my lips.

“Oh, Adah. No —”

“Just as we had to humiliate ourselves in front of the Elders, so was she required to humiliate herself before all those strangers, and —”

“But that’s not it at all. I promise you. It’s something that turns her on.”

“What?” I shook myself from my thoughts, looking at my sister with confusion. Her words made little sense in my jumbled mind.

“I promise you, it wasn’t that.” Her hand settled over where mine were fidgeting in my lap, quelling my unconscious movements.

“Ruth, I want this job. I need this job. But I don’t think I can go back out there on to the floor like that again. I understand that this is the life you and Leviticus want, and I will do my best to not criticize you for it. But I know what it is to fall victim to my husband’s desires, regardless of my opinions or thoughts. It’s what they taught us to do. But now? After everything? I just can’t. If it isn’t too much of an issue… if I could just stay in the kitchen where I don’t have to see the actual acts occurring —”

She cut me off with a wave of her hand.

“Consider it done. You never have to step foot out on the floor unless you wish to. And we don’t have to discuss this part of my life. You are welcome to take the job. In fact, it would be helpful if you did. Finding extra workers is not always easy.” She laughed lightly as she spoke.

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