Page 127 of Third and Ten

While my conscience is busy with a theology-of-the-body debate, my hands still have a mind of their own, and my fingers edge their way beneath the cup of her bra.

“JD,” she whispers again, and I can tell she’s into it from the way she’s squirming in front of me. And then she lets out the slightest moan, and I’m totally done for.

“Anything you want, Tenley. Just tell me what you want, and I swear I’ll do it,” I murmur, doing my best to ensure that what she wants is to give herself over to me completely. This desire—no, this need—is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before, and I’m afraid that this time, the biological instincts I’ve been joking about have actually managed to override my brain and my heart, both of which were already on the fence.

We’re in love. And we’re more than likely going to end up married at some point, right?

It’s not all that wrong if we—

“I want to wait,” she blurts out, seemingly surprised at herself. I whimper, my disappointment manifesting itself in more ways than one. “I think it could be a borderline day…and I’d just rather be safe than sorry, you know?” she adds meekly.

“You mean, you want to double-check your chart first?” I ask, my voice hopeful.

She twists her body around so she’s facing me again and reaches up to cup my cheek. “JD, I have never wanted anyone or anything more than I want you. And I can’t imagine that I ever will. But we’ve waited this long. Let’s just give it a little more time, please?”

Did she really have to add that bit about wanting me so badly, though? I stick out my bottom lip in a childish pout. “But…but…we’re finally alone, and we’re halfway undressed,” I point out.

She only smiles ruefully and continues stroking my face. “I know. But, to be honest, I’m scared.”

I shake my head quickly. “You know I would never hurt you. I was really just kidding about the ass-slap stuff, I swear.”

She laughs softly. “Not like that. I’m afraid that once we finally start having sex, we won’t be able to stop,” she admits, her neck flushing and making her look even more irresistible, if that’s possible. “Once I get that rush of oxytocin and dopamine, I’m going to have a hard time not coming back for more. We already know that my self-control is nonexistent when I’m ovulating, and then it feels so different with you, when you touch me. I can’t trust myself. And I’d rather be married before I’m on kid number two.”

My eyebrows shoot up.

Did she just say married?

Now her face is also turning beet red, so I attempt to defuse the situation before she panics. “Oh. So, um, what does that mean? When will we get to…you know…do intercourse?” I ask with exaggerated awkwardness, and I’m rewarded with another giggle.

“How about once we decide that we’re ready to risk having a baby?”

Did she just say baby?

I gulp audibly, trying to contort my expression into something resembling disappointment while I continue testing the waters. “So, not until we’re married?”

She shrugs. “Maybe.”

Don’t make it awkward, man. Just let it come out organically.

It’s not that getting shut down like this isn’t painful for me, both physically and emotionally. I’m just more intrigued by her sudden willingness to discuss, oh, I don’t know—forever?

“Don’t you think we’re both a little…ah, mature for that? I mean, that ship has already sailed for both of us, right?”

“Yes, but I’m also willing to do whatever it takes now to ensure we have a successful marriage later. And I know you are, too.”

Holy cow.

My breathing quickens. Hearing her talk about marriage is almost as much of a turn-on as unhooking her bra was a second ago.

Almost.

“JD, I love you too much to let you compromise your morals. And I don’t think we’ll regret waiting a little longer to make things right,” she adds after a while.

It’s remarkable how calmly she’s bringing all this up, as if she’s really been thinking about it and has just been waiting for the right time to slip it into conversation.

“A little longer?” I repeat with a hint of sarcasm. “It took me months to get you to kiss me or let me take you out on a date. How long before you can wrap your mind around marrying me?”

“I think I’m over all that commitment-phobia stuff. In fact, I bet I could be very easily persuaded to label this a long-term relationship. Maybe even show you off around town,” she says, her lips turning up at the corners. It’s so cute that I can’t help but mirror her.

---