Page 121 of Third and Ten

“How did you know?” I look up at her again, hoping to convey what I mean through my expression.

She shrugs. “For me, it was less a conscious revelation and more a lack of desire for anything else. Once I gave Derek a chance, being with him and making babies together was all I wanted. It was unavoidable, and I couldn’t bring myself to see the same value in all of the stuff that seemed so important before.”

“Stuff like keeping your feet on the ground,” I add.

“Exactly,” she confirms. “I was afraid I couldn’t do it at first, you know. I still am. But, seven years of marriage and four kids later, here we are.”

I smile. “Think you’ll have any more?”

“Ask me again in a few months,” she says in an amused tone. “The beauty of NFP is that Derek and I can discern as we go. We can put off having any more babies indefinitely and change our minds whenever we want. The problem is he’s such a great dad that I find myself wanting to give him the chance to prove it all over again.” She makes me chuckle when she bounces her eyebrows suggestively.

The door opens, and Sybil’s husband walks in. “Oh, hey, Nurse Tenley,” Derek greets me with a genuine smile.

Then he turns to his wife. “So, my love, how hungry are you?” he asks, holding up a variety of fast-food bags, and she squeals with delight. As if on cue, their baby twists around in my arms and begins grunting and rooting around, searching for his own dinner.

Sybil groans softly as she sets a box of French fries on the nearby table. “He was talking to me, kid,” she calls to the baby, making me laugh again. But she opens her arms anyway, so I bring him over and help her position him for a feeding. Then Derek stations himself beside her and alternates between holding up her box of fries and bringing a straw up to her mouth for a drink. They make it look so natural and routine, wordlessly slipping into their roles and automatically offering small sacrifices for one another.

All I can think about is how good JD would be at this. Maybe one day, with his help, I could even be good at it, too.

I start to feel like I’m imposing on their private family moment or that I might embarrass myself by ugly-crying in front of them, so I offer my congratulations one last time before sneaking out.

My rounds are finished for the day, and I pull out my phone to text JD as I reach my car. I’d hoped to get things more settled with Ethan before reaching out, but I haven’t gotten to meet with Blake yet, and I honestly can’t take being apart from JD anymore. I’ve been thinking about what I want to say all day, even while I was helping with that last delivery, yet my hands are trembling as I punch in a message.

Tenley

Hey. I’m sorry for taking so long to say this, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few days. I understand you were in a difficult position, and that it wasn’t your intention to hurt me when you hesitated to tell me about Ethan and Ryan.

I also realize that I haven’t been giving you as much trust or credit as I should. You’ve only ever been an amazing boyfriend to me and a great role model for E, and I’ve taken all that for granted.

The truth is that I have been holding back, partially because we were making Ethan uncomfortable, but also because I’m still scared that I can’t do this family and relationship stuff right. And I think I overreacted the other night because all those fears seemed to be coming true at the same time. I’m sorry for taking it out on you and for not being more honest with you about my feelings.

Congratulations on the new job, btw. I’m really proud of you, and I know you’re going to be amazing at it.

I love you, JD. *red heart emoji*

JD

You use a lot of words, 10.

But I just needed the last few.

I furrow my brow. It’s unlike him to brush off my heartfelt apology with that kind of reply. I’m not sure whether he’s still angry with me or something is up.

Tenley

Is everything okay?

JD

Ducking autocorrect.

I miss you.

And I might be little bit drunk.

Maybe. Probably.

Tenley

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