Page 96 of Retribution

I almost reach out to touch him when I fixate my hand to my side and decide against it.

For some bizarre reason, after everything that has happened to me tonight, this feels the worst of all. The ache in my chest causes a pain that I’m all too familiar with, in circumstances with my parents and Scott.

It’s the unwanted, unloved, unworthy agony that has plagued me since I was young. It’s one of my biggest insecurities, my need to be appreciated and cherished clouds my judgment. I’ve fallen victim to it once again.

I peel back the bed covers, the rose petals fleeing from me with desperation, to get away from the cursed girl, the untouchable girl.

Pulling the sheets over my body, I rest my wet hair onto the pillows, that feel too expensive to support my head. I take one final glance at Reed, still perched at the foot of the bed, his body unmoving and silent.

I turn off the lamp, cascading the room into an eternal darkness.

A small tear escape from my eye as I curl myself tightly into a ball, not wanting to let myself go.

Why is it you can’t be loved Indie?

The looming feeling of loneliness smothers me as I close my eyes, escaping to a better place.

Chapter 23

Reed

My vision blurs at the laptop screen, the continuous hours of working have finally begun to take its toll. I close off the case details and shut the laptop, the darkness of the world outside finally registering in my brain.

The half-filled bottle of bourbon eyes me suspiciously from the bookcase. I’ve placed it over there in a pathetic attempt to stop me from drinking it. All it does is take extra time to fill up my glass.

I sigh and stand up for the sixth time. Grabbing the bottle, I bring it over to the desk. There’s no point trying to ignore the fact that this ‘plan’ is never going to work.

I swallow the brown liquid as it ignites a burn in my throat, relieving me from the dangers of my own mind.

Since we returned from Lola’s wedding, things have been different. Actually, things have been incompatible.

Indie has decided to stay in the spare room, leaving ‘our’ room to me. We’ve barely spoken since, I know why we’re not speaking but what I don’t understand is why it’s affected her this much. I find saying those three words more difficult than the ability to breathe underwater.

I confessed my true feelings to Indie that night by the lake, I admitted that I was falling in love with her, but that is still different to saying the big three. Allie never heard me say it, but she knew me and understood it was just something I was incapable of. It had never really been an issue in my life until now, until it seems so detrimental to her that I say it, but I can’t.

The last woman I’d spoken those words to, was my mother.

I’ve never repeated them to any other woman, they are purely reserved for her.

Willow is my only exception.

She’s spent all her spare time away from the house, I’m assuming at her studio, trying to avoid me. She collects Willow from school and takes her out for dinner every night, and to Willow’s delight, it’s her choice. I heard them both chatting excitedly about an upcoming ballet show.

But, I’ve not been invited to it, nor have I been told about it.

It feels like we’ve backpedaled to a place that never even existed, we’ve never had this level of animosity between us, and I can’t think of a way to fix it, especially before tomorrow. We can’t make our first appearance in front of the court being cold and disinterested in one another, this needs to be solved and it needs to be today.

I’ve originally wanted to plan for us all to use the firm’s private jet to get us to New York for the showing of ‘Jewels’ at the Metropolitan Opera House. With the ongoing custody battle, I’m not allowed to take Willow out of the country as I may be planning a ‘great escape’ as they put it.

I’ve made a mental note to book it in preparation for when this case is closed and we can have a week-long celebration, doing everything that we’ve missed out on.

Instead, I’ve had to opt for something a little more humble. We’re getting married. I’ve made a lot of phone calls to find us a space today instead of the original date in a few weeks, but I’ve managed it.I’ve also taken it upon myself to purchase the girls a beautiful designer dress each, so that they can look incredible as we unite us as a family.

I see the digital clock flash 3am and I take that as my cue to sleep off the alcohol. I make my way through the silent house, making sure not to wake anyone and sleep alone for the last time.

* * *

“Daddy, why aren’t I going to school today?” Willow plagues me with questions as she eats her cereal, swinging her legs from the stool.

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