Page 44 of Retribution

I’ve tried to be there for Britney as much as I can, but the guilt became overbearing. I’ve decided to distance myself for a while, probably why I’ve been so invested in the dance academy at the minute.

Dancing has always been my escape, I’ve found myself there at all hours, even outside of class time. I’ve managed to excel my feelings and pour them out through the days I’ve been spending at the studio.

(Indie): Well, I’m free tomorrow midday? We could meet at a public place, coffee?

The last thing I want is to be in a private, enclosed environment with him again. Despite the inevitable grief and guilt I feel, my mind still can’t ignore the way he makes me feel.

That night is not something that can ever occur again but, I find myself reliving it at times when I’m alone at night, the shame less than I’d like to admit.

He responds quickly.

(Unknown): Of course, Coffee & Creamer at the boulevard, around 1pm?

Interesting place of choice, I’d have considered him a more commercial Starbucks man myself.

(Indie): See you then.

Without pressing on the matter, I return to planning my finances but, the worry washes over me.

I can’t help but wonder what could be going on with Willow, if she’s become withdrawn from things, if she is not attending school. I know she hasn’t been attending ballet practice, and that will be the very least of her worries at the moment.

The huge gaping hole that is now vacant, almost like shouting down into an empty space and your voice not receiving its echo. Walking among the sidewalk under the daylight sun, glancing around and not being able to find your shadow. I don’t know how the world expects a child to deal with such events, despite having a shitty mother myself, I would never have wished her dead, at any age.

Closing the tabs, I turn off the computer, leaving my empty mug on the desk. I’ll deal with that in the morning.

After changing into something more comfortable, I let my hair down and climb into bed. The one perk I’ve discovered from being single is that I can starfish all I want in the king-size bed, the sheets all to myself. I tuck a pillow under my head and stretch out, the coldness of the covers kissing my bare skin. Willow’s face flashes through my mind a few times before I’m deep into a much-needed sleep.

Chapter 13

Reed

Harrison.

Harry.

Haz.

Whatever he goes by now, I’ve lost count of the numerous nicknames he’s accumulated over the years. Harrison suits me just fine, its non-personal and professional, just how I like to keep our relationship.

As far as I’m aware, I stand a chance in court. But I’d stand a stronger one if I was not alone.

Turns out, my working schedule and the commitments I have mean that there are certain activities that Willow would have to draw back on, she would have to move schools that would allow for a more extensive after-school package. I have so many things I need to figure out before I can stand up in court and prove myself as being worthy enough for custody. I currently don’t have a permanent place of residence; I have ridiculous working hours and I’m single, so I have no help of the childcare issues I would inevitably encounter.

I also didn’t consider the fact I technically have a ‘tainted’ record from when I obtained a DUI back from my college days. I have my beloved father to thank, for the reason I wasn’t cast straight out from Harvard following the offense, an extremely sizable donation for the university seemed to help sway their decision. It was the only time I’d asked him for help since we, ever so gracefully, parted ways.

It never affected me from that point, my employers overlooked the minor offense and were more focused on my incredible alumni and the experience I had from volunteering at numerous law firms around the country, as well as my fair share of pro Bono cases I’d lead as my contribution to the lesser community (Allie’s idea).

Yet, now it is a huge brick wall standing in my way. It wouldn’t be so bad if I had my previous few years of AA meetings to stand on, but I stopped attending them a long time ago.

Probably part of the reason I relapsed.

Being 10 years clean, I thought it wouldn’t be able to pull me back into its choke hold, I thought I had the upper hand. But that’s the thing about addiction, it’s always there lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce when you hit your most vulnerable stages.

The phone call with Harrison did not go pleasantly, as you could imagine.

At first, he was surprised I was even calling after our last experience, but I was also curious why he was even in my office in the first place.

Turns out, there is a human beating heart inside of the asshole’s chest. Not that he’d cared to make the effort over the years to meet his niece, but he’s heard through the grapevine that Allie was in intensive care and apparently wanted to ‘see how I was doing’. By that he meant if I’d been drinking. Which at that point, I hadn’t.

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