Page 26 of Retribution

Indie

Since I found out the vile truth about Scott, I’ve been staying at Nina’s place.

She insisted on having me stay after Britney told her all about the tragedy, that is my life.

Britney has far too much going on with Allie, I don’t want to burden her with looking after me.

The first few nights are horrendous. I can’t sleep.

I spend every waking moment thinking about Scott, thinking about his hands all over another woman. Her getting to experience what was once mine.

The absolute disgust that turns my stomach, whenever his face enters my mind, has me wondering where we went wrong.

I have arranged my entire life to include him, my past, present and future. Now, all of that has been flipped upside down, inside out and left to rot.

There are so many things in life that you can predetermine, prepare for, and manage to work through.

This right now feels like an abyss of darkness, pain and sadness surrounding the memories I have, the memories that I will now, never have.

I’ve been wondering over the past few days if there is anything I could have done to change the outcome, if I could have paid more attention, been more affectionate, been more present.

None of which seems to comfort me.

Getting to grips with doing everything that I had planned for the both of us, on my own, is going to be a lengthy process.

It feels as if my brain is in constant overdrive, thinking far too logistically and not having much to distract me.

Tonight, isn’t going to be the same.

I need to stop thinking about the hypothetical, I need to blow off some much needed steam. Anything at this rate is better than sitting here, wallowing in self-pity.

I towel dry my hair, looking at the same three outfits I’ve been wearing all week. Washing in between, of course.

Sighing at the bland selection, I text Nina, asking if I can raid her wardrobe for something to wear. Once she offers me her permission, I search through the different outfits, looking for something that would make me appear presentable, endearing.

A gorgeous black dress captures my attention, strappy and short. Rather promiscuous for my usual choice of attire but, Britney’s advice?

The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.

I’ve spent the days crying, being hurt and sad. I’m tired of feeling the same emotions over and over. At this point, I am desperate.

It doesn’t matter that I’m not feeling up to it, I’m taking back the slightest bit of normality that I can have right now.

Pulling the dress from the hanger, I study it in the mirror, holding it against my body. Fortunately, Nina has the same 5’3 frame as me, meaning her clothes will mostly fit me.

Helping myself to her wine collection for the first time this week, after declining the countless times prior, I select a pretty bottle of white Grenache.

The last thing I need is to look like I was coming straight from a funeral so I add a bucket load of concealer, in an attempt to cover up my purple circles.

The next thirty minutes are spent indulging in wine and trying to mask the damage that is now hidden beneath.

Eyeing up the black dress, hung in the corner of the room, my mind drifts into one of its spirals.

How did things go from being so normal and simplistic? I’m about to go out and drown my sorrows in alcohol and someone other than Scott.

The breakup went as well as you’d expect an unfaithful breakup to go. His excuses consisted of; you work too much, we never see each other, he was desperate, it didn’t mean anything. Typical responses from a man who is clearly intimidated by an independent, successful woman.

Of course, things weren’t as simple as just leaving and never having to see or speak to him again. Technically, I’m a partial owner of his company, the majority of the investment came from me. so I warned him he would be hearing from my lawyers if he made any attempt to make my life any worse than he had already.

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