Page 21 of Retribution

Picking at my fingernails, I hear the clicks of the mouse. Britney takes in a sharp breath.

My heart sinks.

I feel dizzy, I feel sick.

I need some air.

I retract from my seat and exit the apartment swiftly. I hear Britney try to scramble up and the faint call of my name, but I’m too fast.

I feel everything closing in on me as I make my way down the emergency exit stairs. I can’t wait for the elevator. I take the stairs two at a time, hoping my jelly-like legs wouldn’t give out on me.

This is all too much.

I leave the staircase and enter the apartment lobby, ignoring Jimmy, the doorman who I usually greet. The second I feel the gust of wind from the outside, it’s like my lungs have taken their first breath.

Keeling over, I lean my hand against the brick wall, trying to normalize my breathing. I can’t tell if it’s the pace I’ve ran down the stairs or if it’s the inability to breathe from what I fear the most.

I slump down the wall, pulling my knees up to my chest and burying my head in between.

After a few minutes, the door to the apartment building bursts open, a familiar scent sitting down beside me. The second she puts her arm around me and pulls me into her, I break.

I cry.

I don’t need to know logistics, I know. I feel my heart tearing apart, I feel every part of my body being ripped to shreds.

If this is what love feels like, I don’t want it.

No one should ever have to experience pain like this. I never ever wanted to feel this, how could he do this to me?

I can’t think rationally, I want to burn every memory I have with him.

In rage, I yank the engagement ring from my finger and throw it out into the street. Britney doesn’t speak because she knows I don’t need to know any more than I already do. Her reaction is confirmation enough, as well as the incriminating text messages.

“Sh, baby it’s okay,” she rubs my arm comfortingly.

I stare at the ring, that once had so much meaning, so much happiness contained within it; that now lay in the gutter. Looking at it makes me infuriated, distraught, disappointed.

I look up at the sky. The clouds begin to cover over the sun, darkening the outside world. It’s quite symbolic really.

It’s strange, feeling connected to something that isn’t actually alive, something that represents exactly what I’m feeling internally.

We sit for a few more minutes before Britney ushers me to go back up to the apartment. Passers-by begin to stare, no doubt at my very apparent sorrow.

I struggle to find my balance, whilst she guides me back indoors.

One thing I can promise myself is that, from now on, it’s going to be me on my own.

Chapter 7

Reed

“…We are so incredibly sorry for your loss Mr. Breckenridge, if there is anything we can–”

I end the phone call.

Staring at the art on the wall of my new office, the silence threatens to swallow me whole.

I don’t breathe or blink.

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