Page 37 of Retribution

I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe.

“Can you let me out here please,” I barely manage to choke out.

The driver nods and I dash out of the car just as the car stops moving.

Waiting until the Uber driver has disappeared before I fully try and allow myself to breathe, I bend over, trying to draw in a breath, my eyes burning. It feels like I’m so deeply trapped in my own mind; I’m drowning.

I set myself down on the grass by the side of the road and lay down, staring up into the midnight sky. I intake a sharp breath again, struggling as my gut wrenches in pain. I can’t stop, why can’t I just breathe?

Please.

I just start to scream. Well, more like a hoarse cry at this point. I get onto my knees and fist my hair and cry out.

“Why,” I scream at nothing and no one.

I repeat it over and again until my chest aches from the screaming and letting go of all the pent-up anger and hurt that Scott has caused me. I drop my head back, the tears free-falling from my eyes to my cheeks and beyond.

I whisper up to the starlit sky, “Why?”

Laying back down, I am finally able to get some oxygen into my body, my brain suddenly quiet.

All that can be heard is the distant sound of crickets and my harsh breathing. My tears become dried, and I eventually muster up the courage to walk the rest of my way to Nina’s, my strappy heels in one hand and purse in the other.

My body feels completely numb, empty, and broken.

I thought I was doing well, I thought that I was finally able to let go of the pain.

Turns out, I just got better at hiding it.

***

I unlock the door and wince as my feet ache from the barefoot twenty-minute walk I’ve just had to endure. I don’t even bother changing into anything else before I dive into the bed sheets and fall into a deep slumber.

***

My eyes hurt, my head hurts and God, my chest hurts. I wince at the light that pours through the open curtains, of course I didn’t even bother to close them last night.

Turning over, I pull the duvet over my head, the hangover well and truly kicking into gear. Sitting up and groaning at my tense body, I glance towards the alarm clock on the bedside table. Ugh, it’s too late for breakfast now.

Finding my phone on the floor, I swipe up to call Britney.

She doesn’t answer.

I send her a quick message for her to call me ASAP and throw the covers off from myself.

Sliding out of Nina’s dress, making a mental note to make sure I return it to her, I slip into a pair of pajama shorts and a plain tee. I throw my tangled hair up into a quick bun on the top of my head and make my way downstairs to see Nina lounging in the living room.

She glances towards me, biting her nails.

“Morning, sunshine.” I mock her.

Her usual happy self seems, not so happy.

“What?” I bark at her, not in the mood for any lecturing about the time I strolled in last night.

“Britney tried calling you last night, but obviously she knew you were busy. She called me instead.” Okay? What’s wrong with that?

I wait in silence for her to explain.

---