Page 33 of Her Second Chance

“Hannah.” He smiles. “You look beautiful.”

Now that we’re face-to-face, I’m not sure how to greet him. Luckily, he decides for me by pulling me into a hug and kissing me on the forehead. I’m so off kilter. If left up to me, I probably would’ve tried to shake his hand or something equally mortifying.

“You look beautiful,” he whispers.

I nestle into him, ignoring the prickle I feel at the back of my head. This is how my second chance is supposed to be. I’m nearly certain I’m now back on the right path. There’s an urgent feeling I have in regards to Jason that makes me think I’m doing the right thing.

“Are you ready?” he asks, stepping back and dropping his arms.

I try not to visibly relax when he’s no longer touching me, but I’m grateful for the space. “What do you have planned?”

“I thought we could eat at Joe’s and then go to a party at the Rugby house.”

I fix my face so he doesn’t see my disappointment. “Sounds good,” I lie. Does he seriously think fifty cent mini hamburgers and a party constitutes a date? Is this what we used to do? Try as I might, when I wrack my brain, I can’t remember a single date between Jason and me. Why can’t I remember? Is that a red flag?

I shake my head, internally scolding myself. Where we go doesn’t matter. What’s important is we’re finally getting our second chance. I’m getting a chance at my dream life. If only I could remember exactly what that is. My clear vision of the future has been replaced by fragments of memories and headaches.

Jason talks about his classes and some new band he’s obsessed with on our way to Joe’s. I nod, pretending I care, but my mind keeps wandering back to Brock and how upset he was. Despite not being able to give either of us what we want, I still value his friendship. I hate that I’ve hurt him. Maybe we’re supposed to be friends. Maybe Jason and I will vacation with him and his supermodel wife in the future. Yeah, that’s it. We’re supposed to be friends.

“Hannah?” Jason looks at me expectantly, and I realize we’re already at Joe’s.

“Um, what?” I push away the sour feeling thinking about Brock and his future wife gives me.

“You seem distracted. Is everything okay?” Jason’s jaw is set, telling me he’s irritated with my behavior tonight.

I smile and nod, hoping to soothe his frustration. “I’m just worried about my Spanish class.” Really, Hannah? That’s the best you could come up with? What is wrong with me? It’s as if my brain keeps shorting out on me.

Jason rubs his chin as he seems to think for a moment. “I could tutor you if you’d like. I spent last summer in Honduras. I’m pretty fluent.”

I tilt my head to the side, squinting. Liar. I know for a fact he’s never left the country at this point in his life. He worked as a busboy at a Mexican restaurant last summer. Why would he pretend something different? Was he always like this? Do I really know him? “Um, okay. Sure,” I agree, not wanting to upset the ease between us.

He smiles as he opens the door and ushers me inside the restaurant. It’s crowded because every college student comes here for the cheap mini hamburgers. I try not to let it bother me how we end up sharing a table with Griffin and his girlfriend. It seems like our first date was planned as a double, unbeknownst to me.

Despite my initial disappointment, we end up having an enjoyable time. I don’t think about Brock or Hunter once. Instead, I laugh with Griffin and Jason. I forgot how much fun Griffin was. And I’ve almost forgotten how he saw me nearly topless the other day. I always liked him, but after his falling out with Jason, I had to choose sides. It’s not like I could stay friends with my boyfriend’s arch-nemesis.

Once we’ve all finished eating, Jason leans over to me. “Are you ready to go to the party?”

I work hard to keep from frowning, not wanting my disappointment to show on my face. “I was hoping we could go back to your dorm room,” I whisper.

He raises his eyebrows. “Really?”

I smile, ignoring the dull ache at the base of my skull. “Yes, really. I want to be alone with you.”

He whispers something to Griffin, who pats him on the back and nods. I feel my cheeks heat, realizing he knows Jason and I are about to have sex with each other. Does it still count as my first time? I can’t really remember what being with him felt like, so I’m thinking this counts, which makes me even more nervous. The churning in my stomach returns full force.

All too soon, Jason and I are back in his dorm room with only the light from his lamp illuminating the room. Before I even realize what’s happened, I’m down to my bra and panties, and he’s in only his boxers as we dry hump like stranded campers trying to spark a fire with sticks.

This is wrong. My inner voice is screaming for me to stop. I’m beginning to think I have everything wrong. Maybe Jason is the reason I’m here, but not for a do over. Maybe there’s something I’m supposed to learn. What if it’s to trust my instincts? If that’s the case, I’m failing miserably. Everything in my soul has been shouting for me to stop this madness with Jason. I need to follow my heart.

My heart wants Brock.

“I want you,” Jason whispers in his deep voice, the one I used to love so much, but now feels so wrong.

This is a mistake.

I push him off me and sit up. “Stop!” I swallow hard, clenching my eyes shut, taking two deep breaths. My head spins, making my body sway. “I think we should stop.”

He closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What the fuck, Hannah? You’ve been leading me on for weeks now. The least you could do is suck my dick.” He shoots me a sad, puppy dog face that incenses me.

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