Page 70 of Eligible Best Friend

“Love you,” I mumble.

What do I want my life to mean? For so long, it was about being better than my birth father and stepfather. Then, it was about being a better dad than each of them. Now, both of them are out of my life. I’m fighting to keep Jayden in it, but while I’m doing that, then what?

I wanted to be a pediatrician. I spent my youth working with kids so I’d have the rapport I needed to build such a good reputation that I’d get headhunted for somewhere like Johns Hopkins. And prove to Nathaniel that I was better than him.

I became an EMT to get medical experience and make my medical school application more impressive. I became a paramedic to make a living.

I do more than that. I make a difference. Working at the St. Paul Level 1 trauma center will allow me to do that. But it doesn’t call to me. Not like the speed of being in the field, making the decisions.

I can’t deny the emptiness inside when I hand off a case to someone with the initials MD or DO behind their name.

I roam my apartment, my mind whirling. Am I just grateful to have something else to think of other than how Lia’s doing and how I’m going to afford a lawyer?

I spot the bag with my laptop and stop. I stare at it for a moment.

Shit. I swoop it up and dig the computer out. What can it hurt to look?

* * *

Lia

My mom stops at the table where my pile of books is sitting. She and Dad flew out for the weekend. She runs her hand along one and opens the front flap.

“ALS?”

“Advanced life support,” I answer.

She pages through it. “This is some heavy stuff.”

I love learning it. It keeps me occupied. Between school and work, I only think about Ford every other second.

The new year has come and gone and I’ve heard nothing about him. Mitch looks at me like he wants to tell me, but I don’t ask.

A guy like Ford has moved on already. I don’t need to hear it out loud. Hopefully he finds someone he can trust enough to start a relationship with.

Hopefully his new partner is a dude.

I can’t help petty thoughts. I can’t help but hope he’s as lonely and forlorn as I am. I should be a better person, but that’s the best I can do.

I do truly hope his custody fight is going well.

Mom puts the book down. “No word from Ford?”

I know she’s been dying to ask since she arrived last night. Dad’s testing out one of the local golf courses, and Mom and I just got back from Mrs. Rosenthal’s. I lost at cards again. But I’m learning who my mom really is besides a powerhouse politician.

She’s funny. She’s sincere. She’s invested in who she’s talking to. I can see why she’s always voted back in. Mostly, I can see that she wants a better relationship with me.

I haven’t gotten one Samuel update since Ford and I broke up.

She even went geocaching with me yesterday. I picked a simple one at a local park. It was the first time I’d gone since that day Ford and I had sex in his car where I didn’t stare at the cache and think about it every second.

“We’re over.”

She drags in a breath and blows it out. “Tell me again why you insisted on staying here and not moving?”

I shoot her a hard look. We had such a good day and now rain clouds are building over my head again. “I told you why.”

“Right, but with Samuel, it was because you were living a life you didn’t want.” She sweeps her arm around the room. “Isn’t that what you’re doing here?”

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