My nod wavers as much as my resolve. “Do what you have to do.”

“I’ll see if I can switch with Mitch until I’m done.”

I nod again, words unable to form on my tongue as tears gather in my eyes. I hug my arms around myself and stare out the window as he disappears into the bathroom to change and pack his things.

Then he’s gone. It’s like the last couple of months haven’t happened. Once again, I’m heartbroken in San Francisco. This time, I have somewhere to go, but when I return to Fargo, I’ll be a single woman who lost her best friend.

Nineteen

Ford

I knock on Cass’s door. I’ve had shit for sleep since I returned to town on Sunday. Now it’s Monday evening and she should be home from work. The mess of feelings inside me is tangled worse than a hose in a hurricane and I can’t sort them out.

I’m desperate. I’m devastated. I’m sick as hell of feeling powerless.

It’s been less than forty-eight hours as a single guy and I’m lonely as hell and missing Lia with every fiber of my being. I miss my girlfriend, but I can’t even go to work and talk to my friend about it.

I don’t work until next week. I managed to pawn off my shifts for the week, calling in every favor owed to me for covering people’s asses when I was a single guy with no responsibilities. Jada and the time she was too hungover with a blood alcohol level that was probably too high to even drive legally. Russel, who thinks he’s God’s gift to the Star of Life and should’ve been fired years ago. He almost let an elderly dementia patient leave against medical advice without determining adequate mental capacity until I saved his ass. And Mitch. I just told him the story and he covered the only day he was able.

Cass opens the door, her lips pulled down. “Ford.”

“Can I come in?”

She steps aside and I enter. Jayden runs to me and I scoop him up. I could hold him forever, but I have to talk to his mom.

“I’m moving to St. Paul too.” Might as well get to the point.

She blinks, then crosses to the high-back seat in the dining room that’s right off the entrance. Gesturing to another chair, she crosses her long, tanned legs. This woman used to drive me crazy in all the best ways. Now, it’s hard to tolerate being in the same room.

“I’m moving,” I repeat after setting Jayden down with a tower of Duplos.

“What about your mother? And your job?” It’s not lost on me that Lia asked the same thing. “And Lia?”

“Jayden’s my main concern.”

She scrutinizes me and I see something I don’t like. A spark of hope. “Did you and Lia break up?”

It’s my turn to study her. Was this part of her plan? Her ultimatum three years ago backfired, but she stuck around. Then she issued another one, couched in concern for our son. And that backfired. Now she’s moving. And here I go, running after her like she’s always wanted.

“Lia’s staying here,” is all I say. “My concern is my son. I’m going to be a part of his life.”

Cass leans closer, a small but noticeable move. “You’re actually leaving North Dakota?”

There it is again. Hope mingled with just a little morbid glee.

For your information, I made sure Samuel understands we’re through and we’ll always be through.

I gave Lia some advice once and she followed through. I need to do the same.

“We’re over, Cass. If there was ever any chance of reconciliation, you trashed it. Then you trashed it again. My respect for you only goes as far as you being the mother of my son and that’s where it will stay.”

She draws back, her hand going to her chest as if my words physically hurt.

I don’t let up. “I’m moving for him. I’m pursuing joint custody for him. Whatever there was between us has long since died.”

Emotions play across her face. Shock. Anger. Hurt. Disbelief. Resolve. “Doesn’t feel good, does it?”

“What?” I ask even though I don’t want to hear whatever it is.