Page 78 of A Reckless Memory

He sauntered out through the door in the garage, flipping the dead bolt on the other side. I stubbornly unlocked the door after he left.

I’d lock it later—after my pride was properly assuaged. I knew when to lock a damn door.

My emotions might be making me extra defensive.

Getting into loose sweatpants and an old long-sleeved shirt, I crawled into bed. While packing, I’d randomly grabbed the repaired copy of Murder on the Orient Express. I kept the light on and sank into the familiar pages, not seeing a word.

Memories streamed through my head like a film instead.

Mama’s voice, so soft and lilting and always a touch sad, sounded off between my ears. Your daddy comes from a different time. Don’t settle for what Barnaby Knight says you can have.

Make your own way in the world.

Ensure whatever you have is yours.

“I did all that, Mama,” I murmured. Yet here I lay in my childhood bed, wondering why she’d had five kids before deciding we were a prison. She’d blamed Daddy. I’d heard her say baby-trapped once and hadn’t understood what she meant. Now I knew that we were the chains holding her down, and Daddy was the warden.

I set the book down, unable to stomach the memories of Mama telling me about how she was going to travel the world someday. How she’d be on a fancy train, wearing classy clothes, just like the characters in the book.

She’d died alone and with nothing. Seducing men like a game of leapfrog around the world.

In the end, I’d listened to her advice, and my life was better for it. Earlier in the kitchen showed me how it’d have been if I’d stayed. I might’ve had my own place in town. I would’ve worked shifts at the bar and gotten called Birdie by the owner. My brothers would’ve teamed together to convince one of the hired men to take me out—without being paid. Didn’t seem much better.

Had Ansen done me a favor?

I couldn’t answer that. But I could admit that I missed him, and I’d been away only two days. He’d had to stay behind to care for the animals, and I was starting to wish he’d come with me. Between the chores, Tex, and the attitudes of my brothers that would be sharper this week, it was better he stayed. But I could wish.

I lay staring at my childhood ceiling. Daddy hadn’t changed this room to an office, but Eliot probably would. He’d probably redo the whole house now that Daddy wasn’t around to argue with him and be militantly tightfisted with all the money tied up in the business and investments.

Tapping my fingers on my chest, I wished sleep would come. I left the light on because Eliot’s words had fucked with my mind. Alone in a house where my daddy had died. I couldn’t look cowardly and call Sutton to ask to stay with her and Wilder.

My phone buzzed. Worried there was more bad news since it was after eleven, I checked it. Ansen’s name was on the screen.

“Hello?” I answered quietly, even though I was the only one in the empty house, which might be contributing to my inability to sleep. Shit, I had to lock the door.

“Checking in on you.”

Warmth settled into my bones. After Cody’s call about Daddy, I had unexpectedly broken down. Ansen had held me all night. Being in his arms while I was crying was the first time I’d had someone to comfort me. After Mama left, everyone had been short-tempered, and I’d kept my distance. After she died, my brothers were dealing with their own grief, and Daddy had shut us all out. I’d been alone after I broke up with Ansen. Any heartbreak after him, I’d messaged Sutton. But to be held and comforted?

I wished he could be in bed with me now.

“Restless. The house is so quiet. I keep walking out and seeing that empty chair...” That no one was in the chair wasn’t unusual. It was that Daddy would never sit there again.

A door creaked open. I bolted upright, my heart clawing into my throat. “Eliot?” I was going to get attacked, and my life would end, proving my brothers right after all.

A dark form appeared in my doorway, a phone to his ear. “Why isn’t the door locked?”

“Ansen!” I flew out of the bed and into his arms. He was cold from walking in from outside. His leather-and-soap smell filled my nose, and I buried my face in his jacket. “What are you doing here?”

“I asked Archer to cover chores for a day or two. Emmaline is delighted to host Tex. Thought I could at least stay the night if my presence is an issue with your brothers, but I didn’t think you should be alone the night before your daddy’s funeral.”

Having his deep voice speak into my ear in this big, empty house was unbelievable. I hugged him harder. “You don’t have to.”

“I wanted to.”

His simple answer was more than I wanted and everything I needed. He wanted to be with me because he was worried about me. “Do you want to go to the funeral?”

His smile was small. “No, I don’t need to go, and we both know it’d cause problems. The town will already be gossiping about you and your brothers. My arrival would turn the chatter into a storm.”

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