Page 96 of A Reckless Memory

He chuckled and wrapped an arm around himself. The trip was knocking the wind out of him. Bumping around in the pickup, climbing in and out, stretched muscles and limbs that’d had a limited range of motion for weeks. “I hope you’ve learned a few lessons from that and from me.”

“I could buy this place right now.” One call. I had enough to purchase it over asking price. I had enough to motivate the closing and get the old owners the hell off the property. Like they’d booted Mama and Dad out of the house when Dad had been forced to sell. Only they had already moved to Phoenix to live next to a golf course.

Dad jerked his head to look at me and winced. He still moved gingerly. “Why would you want to do that?”

Shocked, I stared at him. Wasn’t it obvious? “This was our home.”

He frowned, his gaze sweeping across the empty house and the expanse of shops, barns, and dilapidated fence line around it. Greenish-brown shrubs and brush scattered the flat acres behind it. Some rolling hills broke up the view in the distance and behind them, the cabin we’d relocated to after losing the place, which had blown down in a storm.

What was he seeing? I’d been able to live in a lot of beautiful places, but as I stared at the scenery that was achingly familiar, I wondered how gorgeous those white rolling hills around Crocus Valley would be once the spring thaw passed and they turned green.

“It was our home a long time ago,” Dad agreed, his tone solemn. “Are you thinking of moving here?”

“I don’t know.” I’d been pushing off decisions until I had money, and now that I had money and this place was for sale, I knew what I wanted. Disappointing Dad wasn’t it, and I might end up doing just that.

“I’m...” The furrow in his brow deepened. “I’ve been thinking of moving.”

“Out of Texas?” It was Dad’s day to surprise me.

His smile was understanding. “There’s no one here for me anymore. Hasn’t been for a while. Archer’s brought it up a few times, moving closer to him and the kids, but I never thought it was an option.”

“Then you returned and talked to your siblings?”

“Yeah.” He said it on a long drawl. “I thought, hell, if Cameron can change, damn near anyone can become a different person. Besides, I’m not as young as I used to be, and these long days are...long.” He gave a soft chuckle. “And I miss them kids.”

I laughed, but my mind spun with the fracturing of my plans and assumptions. “You don’t want this old place back? A way to reclaim what was once yours?”

His eyes crinkled at the corners, looking like an older version of my brother. “Ansen, it’s not the place—or the land—or the house. It’s the people who make a home. That was my biggest failure, you know. Not making a good home for you boys after your mama died. I didn’t know how to be warm. How to be understanding. All I knew to do was work.”

“And work was what we did.” My tone came out teasing, prompting us both to laugh. His words rang in my head. I’d been afraid to give up the one unattainable goal that had suddenly become attainable when I didn’t want it. “I thought I could make it all right again. I thought I could work hard and earn enough and when this was for sale again, I’d buy it. And we’d all have our home back. And now it’s no longer what I want to do, and I’m afraid of letting you down yet again.”

“Ansen.” He placed a hand on my shoulder, a sign what he was saying would be important. “I want you to be happy. If buying our old home does it, so be it. If walking away and never looking back is what you need, I support you.”

“I want to be with Aggie.” It was what I always wanted. A big part of me had hoped I could have both her and this place. Like I could hold on to her and to this old dream and have it all. My tight hold would cost me her if I wasn’t as clear as a summer morning.

“She must be a special lady,” he said warmly.

“She is. But she’s set to stay in Crocus Valley, working for Uncle Cameron.”

“And it’s hard to let go of an idea you’ve held on to so tightly for so long.”

It seemed silly when he said it. An idea. A plan. And I had let it rule so much of my life. “I want to be with Aggie.” I took my hat off and pushed a hand through my hair. A hunk fell on my forehead, and I crushed my hat back on over it. “I promised I’d be back, but in a way, I feel like she has one foot out the door. She doesn’t completely trust me, and standing here, I can’t help but wonder if she’s right not to. Was I planning to leave an out, just in case this all worked out?” It was fucked up. I wanted to be with Aggie more than anything. My feelings shouldn’t be terrifying, but those I cared about tended to disappear from my world.

“You know why I purchased this property after I met your mother?”

Grateful to be yanked out of the traffic circle my thoughts were stuck in, I answered. “She said you drove north until you found paradise.”

He scoffed, but fondness was in his gaze. “She made it sound so romantic. I guess that’s what we did. Mostly, we found out she was pregnant and needed to put down roots somewhere. It could’ve been Oklahoma or Nebraska. I probably would’ve stopped before we hit North Dakota, but that was only because of my stubborn pride. We both wanted a place away from our families, and it happened to be here.”

Just like that. They’d needed to stop and raise a kid. There was nothing else about this land or house that called to them. They’d just put in a stake and made a home. Aggie wasn’t afraid to let her roots run deep, but I’d done nothing to show her my roots went further than scratching at the dirt.

“I stayed with Stephanie because I didn’t think I deserved any better.” I didn’t have one lick of faith in myself. But for some reason, Barnaby Knight had put twenty percent of his poker chips on me.

I wouldn’t do what he did when he got Birdie’s land and money. I wouldn’t use it to control people, especially those I loved. He wanted to keep the cycle going for his kids, but I could stop it with his daughter.

She had given me a second chance when she should’ve forgotten me. “I don’t deserve her.”

Dad sucked his lips against his teeth. “We’re often the worst judges of what we deserve. Only those who love us the most understand we deserve the best.”

---