Page 7 of Blackout

‘I know most of the people from around here. A few have come and gone, some returned, and others never looked back. I want to say that you’re not local, but that doesn’t seem right. Maybe you’re one of the ones who left and now you’ve returned?’ His gaze was soft on me, but my poker face didn’t let him know he had hit the nail on the head. I was from around here, I just didn’t live here anymore, but that wasn’t my choice. Although showing up last night and sticking around today – that had been my choice.

Great. I wondered whether I should divulge myself. It was too late to keep my distance from this man. I was too close to him now.

‘It was a dare.’ The start of the truth was out. But the rest of the truth I wasn’t quite ready to tell.

There was more silence as the bartender waited for me to continue. But before he had the chance to speak and give me the hurry up, I blurted out, ‘My sister dared me to sing with her in front of an audience.’

‘And?’ he prompted, and I guess he wanted to know a few more details.

‘I couldn’t do it, the dare that is.’ I couldn’t look into his eyes when I explained. ‘Just the thought of standing in front of a microphone next to my sister with a room full of people had my heart racing, and I panicked. So I got in my car and drove 270 kilometres to drink myself under the table.’

‘But you can sing.’

I didn’t need to be told what I already knew.

‘I love those songs on your playlist, and I wish the bar would play more country music. But not all the songs on your playlist were country, were they?’

I shook my head and couldn’t help but stare at him. The man next to me had noticed one of the songs wasn’t a country song. Then I stupidly opened my mouth. ‘There are two songs on that playlist that aren’t country songs. You heard “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman.’

‘What’s the other song on your playlist that isn’t a country song?’ he asked when the hotel room went quiet.

I thought my heart would race and that the memories I had of my parents would swamp me into darkness. I breathed in but didn’t raise my head. Words left my mouth in a rush on a whisper because thinking about my parents these days made me emotional. ‘My mum’s favourite song, “Throw Your Arms Around Me” by Hunters & Collectors.’

It was the one song from that playlist that I didn’t know if I could sing the lyrics. Not the same way my dad had to my mum. I was sure if I tried, I would black out and fall in a heap on the floor, just like the last time I’d tried to sing a song my family had sung together.

‘Your voice is amazing, and I’m sure you could do anything you put your mind to.’

‘Your vote of confidence is great,’ I blustered, then I raised my head to face the man next to me. ‘But I can’t get up in front of a crowded room and sing with my sister like she’s daring me to, nor do I have any interest in doing that again.’

‘Why not?’ he asked with a hint of curiousness in his tone.

‘Because today is only the second time in a long time that I have sung more than one song out loud.’ My words tumbled out as I tried not to break out into a sweat. Now was not the time to shake uncontrollably. ‘But a dare is a dare, and if I don’t want to take a back seat in everything I have worked hard to achieve, then I will have to prove to my sister, just to get her off my back, that I can still meet up with her and sing.’

‘Wow, that’s some dare and some serious sister rivalry you have going on.’

‘Yeah, my sister somehow thinks I’m more talented as a singer than I am at my current job.’

‘Your current job?’

I tried but failed to raise my eyebrow in the same fashion as the man I sat next to. I had to remember we didn’t know each other.

‘Bakery manager.’ I said seriously, before I smirked. The man next to me showed off how easy it was to raise his eyebrow in question.

‘How did a bakery manager decide to end up here to blow off steam?’

I knew my 270 kilometre comment hadn’t gone unnoticed.

‘I don’t know, I just got in the car and drove.’ But the look I got from him hardened, so I quickly continued with. ‘I psyched out on my sister’s dare and needed some time alone to process some things in my life. For years I have kept my head down, working hard and managing the bakery on my own. My family rely on me to keep the business afloat, but I don’t know if I can do that anymore.’

‘They don’t know that you’re here?’ he asked.

I replied with a shake of my head. ‘This is the last place they would look for me.’

He raised both eyebrows at me, and in this moment, I would have loved to know the thoughts that ran through his head. The guy next to me was a closed book. It was hard to read the contents if he didn’t open up and let anyone in.

‘Why?’

I stared at him in fascination, and he stared right back, his unreadable expression again on display. God only knew what he thought of me and the expression on my face.

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