Page 287 of Wrong Pucking Jersey

Regardless of the abuse, torment, and scrutiny.

He stood by my side because he loved me. Wanted me to be a winner…and not a fucked-up loser.

I guess I always had someone on my team.

I was just too afraid to accept it.

Now, I’d be entering this next era of my life…alone.

“Bye, Jayce.”

My eyes widen when he leans back, and I have to stop myself with my own hands against the frame of the door not to go over the edge with him.

“Fuck,” I curse as my heart beats wildly. “Oscar…”

He’s but a tiny dot in seconds, leaving me to wonder whether his parachute will open and lead him down to safety.

This could have been a suicide attempt. To plague me with the guilt of ruining his life for my own selfish benefit. It actually brings tears to my eyes, but I quickly brush them away.

“Just the wind,” I whisper to myself, ignoring the emotions that want to swallow me whole and leave no remains.

I could have had it all.

Friends who loved me.

A fan base that supported me.

I could have tried to reach out to my brother and support his drive to come here to a country that could give him the future he’d been working for tirelessly.

I could have been what I always wanted to be.

To be greater than my father…and not a copy of him.

With a shaky breath, I jump out of the plane, allowing myself to soar downward.

“WOOOOOO!” I scream out as the electric thrill ignites through me. The feeling gets rid of all my thoughts and regrets, leaving me lost in this exhilarating high.

How massive the world is.

I begin to have a clearer head, realizing I’m just one person, and if I really want to, I can start over.

Was the world cruel and judgmental?

Yes.

It was horrendous. A place that could destroy you before you destroy yourself.

However, it was survivable.

Only if you learned from your mistakes and acknowledged how you got into your very predicament. I’ve been searching for redemption my whole life but was doing it by walking a path that led me to all the wrong places.

Jail may be the punishment I need.

Time to re-analyze my life and all those I hurt.

Jamie. Oscar. Maddox. Mikayla. Ace. Damien. Wolfgang.

So many instances that I hurt those I love, but with time, I can understand why I felt the need to wound each of them and grow. Time would tell whether I’d get to apologize for my sins. Give those I hurt some closure and reasoning as I submit to the punishment I earned on my own.

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