Page 116 of Wrong Pucking Jersey

“Sometimes breaking up with another person isn’t a bad thing. It’s society that wraps it around our heads that it’s bad. Imagine being thoughtful and wise enough to look at your current life and understand you’re nowhere close to where you want to be?”

I put my root beer can on top of the car behind me so I can stretch my arms up.

“You love yourself enough to know you can do better. Be better. Become someone you admire versus someone you’ll regret later on in life. Finishing school was what became my wake-up call after two years of madness. It made me realize that the version of myself Maddox was dating wasn’t someone he deserved.”

“Wasn’t someone he deserved…” Dimitri repeats and looks at my hands as I spread them out, encouraging the streams of sun to pierce between my fingers.

“My O’Riley deserved better. Someone who was present in his life. I was physically there, sure. We’d go on dates, I showed up. He had events, I was there. He needed support for his fire training test, I made sure I was up at the crack of dawn to see him succeed, but was I there in every aspect of myself? No. The real problem was, he could see it. He was going through his own stuff, but he would never pull the plug. That’s how much he loved me. Admired me. Respected me. He’d cruise through life, being the person I needed to lean on, even if it meant he never leaned on me.” I shake my head. “I couldn’t continue to promote that.”

“That’s very mature of you,” he admits. “I’m not sure I could have done the same if in your shoes.”

“It was a bold move for me because I was comfortable with his company. I always knew I had a man to lean on, even though I obviously had my dad and even Coach Cyrus. Parental support is one thing, but with a lover, it’s more intimate. Special, even. I got to learn Maddox from the inside out, and he had done the same, but we were still young. So young with no real experience apart from one another. I thought by letting him go, we’d part ways, find new partners, and just go on with life.”

“But?”

“I wasn’t really satisfied with anyone after that. My expectations were too damn high after Maddox. He was everything I wanted, but there was more to the picture I didn’t really want to confront. If I told anyone what I really wanted to add to our relationship equation, they would run to the hills.”

“Why? What do you think Maddox would allow that other men wouldn’t?”

“Well…” I blush as I look at him with pleading eyes.

“I won’t tell a soul,” he vows and puts his hand on his chest. “I don’t know what that honor quote shit is that guys do, but I’m doing that.”

“Scouts honor?” I ask and watch him smirk with pride.

“Yup!! That shit.”

We laugh before I take a steady breath.

“I think… I wanted more than one guy in our dynamic.”

“More than one guy,” he whispers. “So you realized your poly?”

“I feel like you’d be more freaked out by that,” I admit in a deadpan tone.

“I feel like you’re disappointed I’m not being a typical small-town guy and judging you right now,” he counters. “I think you forget I’m gay. We love the occasional orgies.”

“Really?” I gasp and look around. “You can’t say that so loud! What about the children?”

“Children? Jesus, Mikay, look around. We’re around parked cars blasting country and Christian music and wildlife.”

We’re laughing far too loud at that one.

“At least you don’t make me feel like a freak.”

“Why should you feel weird because you’re willing to share yourself with more than one man? I don’t think it’s a big deal as everyone makes it,” Dimitri admits. “I personally think people hate on the idea because of rooted jealousy.”

“Rooted jealousy?”

“Can you imagine how hard it is for someone to let another look at their partner in a seductive way? They go off, ready to destroy the world or get arrested and thrown in jail because a guy or girl looked at their partner like a snack ready to be feasted on,” Dimitri elaborates. “For you to see that with Maddox, you can still maintain a strong relationship with one another, but also invite another into the circle, knowing the love you two share with another doesn’t depreciate with a third, fourth, or fifth person is strength, maturity, and proof you guys carry hearts of gold. Many envy that. Even I would probably envy that. I can see myself with one guy, but I don’t think I could spread myself further.”

“Are you dating anyone, Dimitri?” I feel this is the right moment to ask.

“I was a few months ago, but when I told them I was applying for internships which may make things long distance, he cut things off.”

“Damn…” I whisper.

“It had to happen for me to wake up and smell the coffee. I knew we weren’t right for one another. I was going over and beyond to please another. I was looking like this,” he pauses to emphasize his current look. “Only in fancy suits and shit just to look like a classy gay dude. It was stupid.”

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