Page 72 of Reaper Released

I struggle to sleep as I’m so excited. I just want to be married to Steel. We barely drank last night. Instead, we all had our nails done, which I suppose is cute and isn’t the worst thing in the world. The girls pampered me. Carmen brought some expensive treatments, chocolates, and champagne, which tastes like cat piss, but is apparently very expensive, so I drank it and kept my thoughts to myself for a change.

It was a lovely gesture, really. We’re becoming this close group of ragtag women who really shouldn’t have anything in common.

“Can I say something to you all before we start getting ready?” The girls all pause to look at me.

“What’s up?” Scar asks, half curious, half panicked. Maybe she thinks I’m having second thoughts.

“Nothing. I just want to say thank you all for last night and today. I might not get a chance later, although some of us haven’t known each other long. I really love you all, so thank you! Oh, and Carmen and Tali. I have a question for you both?”

Carmen and Tali look confused, and Carmen replies, “Anything. What do you need?” I nod to Scar, and she walks over to the dresses.

“Will you be my bridesmaids?”

Tali lets out the biggest scream and runs at me, throwing her arms around me. “Oh my god, oh my god, I’m gonna be a bridesmaid!” She’s chanting, and as I look at Carmen, her eyes have glossed over.

“Is the big bad cartel queen a little taken aback over there?” I joke.

She just nods and walks over, pulling me into a hug, too, whispering in my ear. “If you tell anyone, I will gut you like a pig, perra!”

I bark out a laugh and hug her tighter. “Your secret is safe with me!”

The girls go to town getting me ready. I still haven’t shown anyone my outfit. I told them the colour theme was black, white and red. I want my hair half up, half down and over one shoulder. They curl it in long loose waves down my back before pinning it off my face and to the side. Scar has some little white and red flowers that she pins in my hair, and then Scar does everyone’s make-up. She does a subtle smoky eye, with slightly winged liner, false lashes but again subtle ones, and Carmen's red lipstick so we all match. The dresses are all-black, strapless, sweetheart neck cocktail dresses with red ribbons at the waist, which we have added ourselves to help with the fit, as Tali’s is a little big. It just helps to pull the waist in slightly. Carmen’s is a little tight on the bust, but she says it makes the girls look fabulous, so she’s not bothered.

I have bought them all Louboutins, the classic black heeled pump with the red sole, so fitting with the rest of the look, and they have all had their hair styled the same as mine since they said it looked so cute. It’s time for me to get dressed.

I send Scar to get my outfit. She promises she won’t look, and I trust her.

Back at Ares's room, I slip into the bathroom alone. I will need some help to zip it up, but I want to surprise them. I open my bag and take out my fancy bridal pants. I have picked a white lace pair with a tiny blue rose at the front, my something blue on the hipster shorts. Come on. I was never gonna be there in a thong with stockings and suspenders.

I have had a custom-made garter belt, which is a thigh holster for a small blade I slide in. Not that I’m expecting trouble, but I have learned never to go anywhere without at least a blade. I throw on my New Rock Trail boots and slide my blade inside, these are my FMBs, my Fuck Me Boots, as we call them back home, but I thought of them more as my “Don’t Fuck With Me Boots” when I slide a blade into them. I think maybe tonight they will actually be my “Fuck Me Boots.” Fingers crossed. I know I should have gone for maybe a high heel shoe like the girls, but I want to be me, so these are also my something old.

As I stand and look at myself in the mirror, I feel sexy. I hope Steel thinks the same. I worry at my lip ring. We haven’t had sex yet. I mean, we’ve done a lot, and I mean a lot of other stuff, but he won’t fuck me till we’re married, and now I’m worried, what if it isn’t good?

What if, after all the hype, he doesn’t enjoy it? I shake my head. I know it won’t be like that. I’m just having a moment. I’m not a good girl. I’m not even a good person, I’ve done things, things that would make a grown man cry, and I just hope that he loves me as much as I love him, regardless of how fucked up I am. It’s just a little jitter. I will definitely be keeping to myself.

Opening the garment bag, I look at my dress. Yes, I know, dress! A fucking dress! It’s white satin and lace, has a halter neck and a sweetheart neckline, and is completely backless. It clings to my figure, making me look shapely for a change. It’s a mermaid cut with a small train that I can clip up later for dancing. As I slide it on, I feel like a movie star. I look so different. As I hold the front, I step out into the room.

“Can someone help me fasten this up…?” I trail off at the look on their faces.

Every one of them has their mouths open, frozen where they are just staring.

“What is it? Is it too much? Not enough? Do I look stupid? I look fucking stupid, don’t I? Trying to be something I’m not… I knew I should have worn my fucking jeans. The guys are gonna be in their jeans and cuts, and here’s me in a fucking dress…”

“Shut the fuck up! You’re spoiling the moment!” Scar scolds me.

Marie’s eyes fill with tears. “Ray, baby girl, you're a vision. I’m so proud to be your mum today. She would have thought it was perfect. You’re stunning!”

I give her a kiss on the cheek. “I love you, Ma. You’ve always been a mum to me, not just today. Please don’t make me cry, though. I’ve done enough of that!”

She chuckles, and she steps forward. “Your pa wants you to borrow this.” She pulls out a silver and diamond flower hair clip. It's stunning. She shrugs. “Something borrowed. It was your grandma’s. Your pa’s mum lent it to me on my wedding day, then when she died, Bernie kept it, hoping you would get to wear it one day.”

“Oh fuck, it’s gorgeous. This best be waterproof make-up, Scar. I’m really struggling here!”

She steps back, wiping her own tears, and walks around to fasten my dress for me.

“Well…?” I question the rest, still standing there catching fucking flies.

“Ray!” Scar says, but then nothing else either. This is very, very good or very, very bad. That’s the only time Scar will ever be lost for words!

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