Page 70 of Reaper Released

“Come on, let's get in there!” We head into Ares’s room. It's bigger, way bigger than Steel’s. There’s a sitting area with a sofa and TV, and there are two beds. As I look closer, one’s Steel’s.

“Why is Steel's bed in here?”

“Because we’re staying in here tonight, the boys have gone to the lodges, so Carmen and Catalina are staying in Viking’s room, and Demi, Aunt Marie, and Beauty are gonna crash here with us! Then we can get ready tomorrow together. I’ve got everything you need right here, snacks, tequila. You name it, I have it.”

I smile, but I know they won’t have what I truly want at that moment. My dad. “I’m gonna go check on my outfit, won’t be long!”

Walking to Roach’s room upstairs, I knock on the door, and then my phone blings as I grab it out of my pocket. The door swings open, and Roach’s there with his phone in his hand, looking down. I see it’s him that's messaged me, and we both laugh.

“Great minds, eh?” He smiles.

“Totally!” I grin back, shoving my phone back into my pocket.

“I was just heading out. Steel has invited me up to the lodges with the guys!”

“That’s great, Roach. I want to know if I can leave my outfit here. I don't want anyone to see it yet!”

“Yeah, sure. Here, I got a key for you, so you can use my room if you need to. I’m taking everything with me that I need!”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Can I talk to you for a sec before I go?”

“Sure.”

He steps back, lets me in, and gestures for me to take a seat on the bed. He looks worried. He’s chewing his lip and shifting back and forwards.

“Roach, spit it out, will ya?”

“Sorry, Ray… I just want to say thank you for everything… I really appreciate all you’ve done for me, and… I… Well, just thanks!”

“Roach, why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye to me? You going somewhere, kid?”

He looks down at his feet and shuffles again. “No, I just… you know… with the wedding and all… I just thought I might not see you now, that’s all.”

Jumping up from the bed, I throw my arms around him. “Are you fucking kidding me, dipshit? Firstly, you’re not nearly skilled enough for me to walk away from your training. You’ll do yourself a fucking injury. Secondly, fucktard, you don’t get to think shit like that. You’re stuck with me. I told you when you trusted me to come to me about Casper, I would always be there for you, and I meant it, so, twatty, hug me like you mean it and fuck off to play with the boys while I have to do girly shit or something wank like that, okay?”

He pulls me into a hug. “I do fucking love you, Ray, and if things don’t work out with Steel, I will try and kick his ass for you!”

“Deal, big lad!” I kiss his cheek. “Now fuck off!” I laugh and head back downstairs, tucking the key in my back pocket.

I decide I’m not ready to go back to the girls. I just need a breather. My dad’s kicking my arse today, it’s a real struggle, so I head out to where the wedding’s gonna be held. As I walk down the aisle between the seating to the archway at the end, there's a raised platform in front of it. I stop in the aisle, looking up at the stars. I’m overwhelmed with emotion. I lay down on the ground, staring straight up towards the twinkling sky.

“You up there, Dad?” I huff out. “Fuck, I miss you… I wish you could be here… I wish you could have met him… And my new brothers… And sister… I think you would have loved them all!”

There’s a lump in my throat as I stare at the twinkling stars and wonder if there really is anything up there. If there is, then I definitely won’t be going, I’ve got a one-way ticket downstairs, but I’m sure they will lock the doors as soon as I arrive, motherfuckers.

“I wish the pas would have been able to come… Fuck, I have all these people here, but at this moment, I feel so alone… The one I want is you, and you’re gone… You’re not gonna see me get married… You’re not gonna get to give me away… Steel wants kids, and as much as I think I do too, I can’t help but break my heart that they’ll never know you… Am I doing the right thing? …Should I have waited till the pas could be here? …Should I have let Steel get to know me first? What if he doesn’t like the real me? …I don’t even know what the fuck I’m talking about… I’ve been more me here than ever, so if that doesn’t put him off, I suppose he’s not going anywhere… I'm so in my own head I just really think I need a hug… A big, fuck off, Dad hug… And a good talking to …I fucking miss you, Dad. I hope you know I’m sorry for everything. I wish I could have saved you. I love you. I hope you’re looking down on me tomorrow, and I can make you proud.”

I huff out a sigh, and a few tears stream down my cheek. I can’t bring myself to give a shit! Staring at the stars, they blur in and out of focus, and I just concentrate on breathing.

“Mind if I join you, Squirt?”

“Shit, Pa, you scared the crap out of me!”

“Fuck off. You didn’t even flinch!”

“The inner me was terrified.”

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